Potty Humor

As I was driving to see a client this morning, I saw an old toilet sitting at the curb near a neighbor's home waiting to be picked up by the garbage man tomorrow and was reminded of this story . . . Enjoy.

You probably remember that when I was 10 (in fact, on April 23rd, it will be 26 years ago - yes Mom, I checked, this is the correct date) my house burned down. To catch you up, the fire was mostly contained to the garage and attic, but other parts of the house were severely damaged from smoke and water. As a result, we could not live in the house for almost 6 months and the entire house was redone, including replacing the toilets.

I'm not sure why the toilets were replaced, they worked fine and did their jobs. But since insurance was paying, we got new ones.

My best girlfriend Amy lived just down the street and I pretty much spent the entire summer avoiding (or causing) trouble with her. One afternoon we decided to play croquet and I remembered that we had a croquet set in the shed, which had not burned down. So we walked down the street to my house to get the set and take it back to her house. Due to all the construction, we were not allowed to play in my backyard.

When we arrived at my house, there in front of the huge dumpster in the driveway sat one of the old toilets. Amy and I looked at each other and just knew what the other was thinking - we had to make it look like someone had used the toilet. Being girls however, we weren't just going to actually use it ourselves. That would be vile.

We got out the hose, filled the toilet up with water and realized that we needed yellow food coloring, but we couldn't get it from Amy's mom because Pam would immediately know something was up. We had to be more creative. We walked around the block to a family I babysat for and explained that we were making a cake at Amy's house and could we borrow some yellow food coloring.

After we poured almost all the food coloring into the toilet, we decided that we needed some wood chips from the backyard to really make it look good. On our way to gather wood chips, we walked by my neighbor George's garbage cans that he kept in the walk-way between our houses and saw a very stained, almost threadbare pair of men's tighty-whities sitting on the ground next to his garbage cans. Instantly, we knew we had to have them! We grabbed the biggest stick we could find to pick up the briefs and carried them, along with the wood chips, back to the toilet. We squirted the rest of the food coloring all over the tighty-whities and crushed up the wood chips and dumped them in the toilet. The tighty-whities were arranged (using the stick) on the ground next to the toilet, with some leftover woodchips.

Then we stood back to admire our work.

A few days nights later, my mom and dad had to stop by the house to inspect the progress. They went inside and left Dave and me playing in the front yard. Once they were safely inside, I found my mom's camera and went to take a picture of the toilet Amy and I had decorated. Predictably, just as I started to take a picture, my dad walked out and wanted to know what I was doing. Before I could answer, he asked if I knew anything about how the toilet had become "used." I'm sure the look on my face said it all because he immediately called out to my mom and she came running.

To say I couldn't have been more wrong about the kind of reaction my parents would have would be an understatement. It turned out that my parents had seen the used toilet a couple of days earlier and my mom had gone around the neighborhood ranting about how disgusting teen-age boys were these days! Now, she was humiliated because Amy and I had done it - not some icky teen-age boys. I got quite the lecture and probably a decent whooping too. I also had to go apologize to the neighbors I got the food coloring from and to George for stealing his underwear.

I never did get the picture that I was after, but we all still laugh about those "gross teen-age boys" to this day. And every time I see an old toilet sitting at the side of the road, I am reminded about the prank Amy and I so successfully pulled off.