New Little Merry Sunshine Public Appearance & Speaking Policy

It came to my attention today that I've been grossly under-compensated for my highly sought after public appearances. It seems that the most super patriotic, ordinary, down-to-earth, and low-maintenance women speakers, like me, receive some perks that I have not been receiving.

Therefore, effective immediately, Little Merry Sunshine's Public Appearance and Speaking Policy has been revised.

Transportation: Little Merry Sunshine only travels via first-class commercial jumbo jet or private plane. When traveling first-class, four round-trip, side-by-side first-class tickets must be purchased. One for Little Merry Sunshine, one for her security guard, and one each for Betsey and Ross. They do not travel under the seat or in the belly of a plane. Obviously, you will be responsible for any luggage fees for both checked and carry-on baggage or other incidentals (e.g., tips, etc.). Additionally, Little Merry Sunshine requires four additional coach class tickets for her hair stylist and massage therapist and any additional traveling companions (read: groupies).

When traveling via private plane, Little Merry Sunshine insists on flying only Lear 60 planes (or larger) or Hawker 800 planes (or larger).

Little Merry Sunshine must insist on having only single, sexy, shirtless, male pilots and flight attendants on both private planes and commercial flights. She is certain there is a safety reason for this, although it escapes her at the moment.

Ground transportation will be provided via black SUVs with tinted windows. Little Merry Sunshine does not want the riff-raff to be able to see her. Again, the driver must by single, sexy, shirtless, and male.

Drivers and pilots must be at Little Merry Sunshine's beck and call 24/7 and able to transport her anywhere at a moment's notice. No questions asked.

Little Merry Sunshine reserves the right to dismiss pilots, flight attendants, and/or drivers at a moment's notice and for no reason whatsoever, so back-ups must always be available. Little Merry Sunshine also reserves the right to change the departure and return cities at her discretion and without warning.

Accommodations: Little Merry Sunshine only stays on the penthouse floor of 5-star hotels. If your city does not have a 5-star hotel, Little Merry Sunshine recommends you move your function to the nearest city with a 5-star hotel, but reminds you that your event participants must not stay at LMS's hotel. Her suite must be west facing with no obstructing view for sunset watching. Obviously, these hotels must be pet friendly. The penthouse must be fully stocked with chilled Diet Coke, shaved ice, Watervale Cracked-Wheat Bread, bottled water, Absolut Ruby Red, cranberry juice, tortilla chips, hummus and oatmeal from Raw and multi-colored bendy straws. Because Little Merry Sunshine is concerned with germs, all items must be restocked and fresh daily. Little Merry Sunshine requires a never slept-on king-size Tempur-pedic mattress and foundation, heated mattress pad, 1600 count Egyptian Cotton sheets and Hello Kitty pillow cases (also 1600-count Egyptian Cotton), changed daily.

Little Merry Sunshine is not a morning person, but the transition from sleep to wakefulness is eased by the sweet sounds of Keith Urban, James Taylor or Jimmy Buffett . . . live. Recordings will not be accepted. A song list will be provided. Little Merry Sunshine will not tolerate alarm clocks.

With regards to Betsey and Ross, they require two litter boxes with Fresh Step scoopable litter, scooped hourly and changed daily. They only eat Purina One Sensitive Systems dry cat food, which must be served 1/3 cup at a time, but the bottom of the bowl must never be visible, per Betsey.

To avoid the paparazzi and other low-lifes, Little Merry Sunshine will provide you with her pseudonym 30 days prior to her arrival and insists it be used on all reservations.

Miscellaneous: Little Merry Sunshine does not do autographs, pictures, or spend time with anyone not previously vetted by Secret Service and personally approved by Little Merry Sunshine. Little Merry Sunshine has very reasonable speaking fees, comensurate with her talents, but if you have to ask what they are, you obviously cannot afford them. No recording of Little Merry Sunshine speeches will be allowed and all cell phones and other recording devices must be confiscated and destroyed in advance. All aspects of the Public Appearance and Speaking Contract with Little Merry Sunshine must be kept entirely confidential and all written communications regarding negotiations must be shredded. Little Merry Sunshine requires universally flattering and slimming lighting, an oak podium (not that cheap particle board made to look like oak) or a skirted table with a plush ergonomic chair (no folding chairs) and an introduction given by someone not nearly as beautiful or smart as Little Merry Sunshine (Sarah Palin?). All marketing and advertising materials must be pre-approved by Little Merry Sunshine no less than 45 days before LMS's appearance.

Obviously, Little Merry Sunshine will need to thoroughly vet your organization and will require certain information about your needs to ensure they meet her high standards. All requested information must be provided no less than 45 days prior to LMS's possible appearance.

Little Merry Sunshine will be happy to resume her Public Appearance and Speaking schedule once she receives confirmation that these new policies have been followed. Thank you for your cooperation.

Post-Script to "Life Panels" Special Comment

After taking a few days off because his father took a dramatic turn for the worse, Keith Olbermann was sort of back last night as he introduced his show and then gave a post-script Special Comment at the end following up on his "Life Panels" comment last week.

Some have criticized Keith as capitalizing and over-dramatizing his father's illness. That's simply not fair and unnecessary. Stories move people. We use them to teach lessons in all areas of life. Simply giving facts never sells a position like facts followed by examples (aka stories). I only wish we'd had such wonderful cooperation between doctors, nurses, and other caregivers when we were making decisions about Nana's end of life care. Unfortunately, all we had was our own gut and the her advance directives, which didn't cover everything.

Keith accurately reminds us that those "death panels" Sarah Palin and others love to frighten us with are really just meetings between patients (if they're able), their medical professionals and their families (or health care powers of attorney) to discuss options, make the most educated guesses, and develop a plan of action. Oh, and let the medical professionals bill insurance companies for those meetings. That's the key component: letting medical professionals bill insurance companies to help patients and their families make a plan to give the patient the best in restorative or palliative care. As it stands now, they can't get paid for that conversation.

Have I mentioned just how much I love Keith Olbermann?

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

What Could YOU Do With Sarah's Spending Money???

H/T to Americablog for this fun website!

Paper dolls for grown-ups!

Dress Like Sarah Palin

Open Letter to Sarah Palin

Dear Sarah,

I woke up this morning to some very disturbing news. News that rocked me to my very core. News that was so disturbing I felt the immediate need to write you about it.

The news that has me so off my game today is that you spent $150,000 on clothes, accessories and make-up since the end of August for you and your family. Okay, maybe it was not actually "you", but the RNC trying to put lipstick on a pig. Oh, did I say that outloud?

You've been running all over the country first telling us all that you're just a regular "Hockey Mom." Then you morphed into "Joe Six Pack" to make us all feel you were just one of us. Now, you're "Joe the Plumber"' a hard-working, regular American with patriotic, family values.

On its face, there's nothing wrong with you wanting to be a regular American. Regular Americans work hard, love their kids, volunteer in the PTA, attend block parties with casseroles to share, bargain shop, vote, pray to their God (or not), support their favorite teams, dream for a better life and have opinions. There's one other thing that "regular Americans" do: these days they go to bed worrying if they can pay their bills tomorrow, scared that their job will be cut, worried they'll lose their home, fearful about how their retired elderly parents will survive, and terrified that their lifetime of savings will be lost in the current economic crisis.

But there's one thing "regular Americans" DO NOT do: we don't spend $150,000 on clothes and make-up in 8 weeks. Really. We don't. We don't have that kind of money. For many, $150,000 is their entire life savings. For others, it's more than their life savings. We don't spend $75,000+ at Neiman Marcus. Most of us don't make that much in a year, much less in a month.

And we're not fooled that someone who does. We know which candidate is the elitist and it's not the one who just recently paid off his student loans.

Quit telling me you're just like me. You're not. You have no idea what I (and all the other "real Americans") deal with on a daily basis. And when you try to tell me you're just like me, it's condescending.

Thankfully, in 14 days, you'll go back to Alaska and become nothing more than a footnote in history. And I won't have to think about you anymore.

Little Merry Sunshine

P.S. Don't forget to report that gift of $150K worth of clothes as taxable income. You don't want to end up like that guy from Survivor, do you?

Anti-Sarah Palin Rape Ad

This is powerful and pretty much sums it all up.



This ad evidently ran in some swing states immediately after the debate. For more information click here.

Hat tip to AMERICAblog.

Sarah Palin Interview!

Do you have questions you'd like to pose to Governor Palin? Of course you do!

Here's your chance to speak directly with Sarah. Ask her anything you want.

Want to know why she gave her kids such bizarre names? Just ask. Want to know the foundation for her crazy anti-choice beliefs? Just ask. Wondering what she REALLY thinks of her husband Todd? Ask! Ever question whether Sarah had sex with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky? Go for it! Curious about what she thinks about global warming. Feel free to query her on it.

Interview Sarah Palin!

Hockey Mom Gets Booed at Hockey Game

Ouch. This must suck.

Sarah Palin LOVES to talk about how she's a "hockey mom" to make herself likeable. How's that workin' for ya, Sarah?



Clearly they tried to drown out the boos with the music, but it didn't quite work. My favorite part on this video is the folks immediately behind her giving her the thumbs down and holding up Obama signs.

Here are two more videos that make it very clear just how much Philadelphia fans disapproved of her . . . .

Sarah Palin DID Charge for Rape Kits!

Much has been made about Sarah Palin's policy as mayor of Wasilla, AK to charge rape victims for their rape kits.

At first, it was just a whisper that she allowed this despicable practice to occur under her leadership. Once the media picked up on it, she said she didn't know it was happening and she found it vile. I don't buy that for a second and neither should you. It simply isn't plausible that as mayor of a town of approximately 6,000 (then) she wouldn't know that her hand-picked chief of police was in a public fight with the state over Wasilla's policy of charging rape victims for their exams.

The fact is that Sarah Palin allowed rape victims to be charged for their exams. And that is vile and inexcusable.

No woman should ever be forced to pay for evidence of rape to be collected from her. Rape is a horrific enough crime and it changes a woman forever. There is no reason in the world a rape victim should ever be forced to bear the cost financially for this crime. I guess, however, I shouldn't be so surprised that a woman who would force another woman to give birth to a child conceived during rape and would refuse her the "morning after" pill, would also insist on this final humiliation.

If for no other reason than Sarah Palin's obvious misogyny, you should vote for Barack Obama.

Sarah Palin Bingo!

Have a little fun tonight while you watch the debate with Sarah Palin Bingo! Fun for the whole family!

Truly, this fun game is good not only for the debate, but anytime she opens her mouth.

SNL's Sarah Palin's Interview by Katie Couric

So very glad I stay up to watch SNL tonight. Tina Fey is pure genius.

I Have Foreign Policy Experience According to Sarah Palin's Logic!

Yes I do! How? Well, let me explain it to you . . .

I live in Illinois, just outside of Chicago. Chicago is on Lake Michigan, one of the Great Lakes. The Great Lakes not only share borders with the United States, but also with Canada (a foreign country). I've spent time in Texas and California. Both states share borders with Mexico (ANOTHER foreign country). I ALSO used to live in Washington DC, where there are many embassies. All of those embassies are not really part of the US. They are actually part of the territory of their home countries. That means that all the time I spent on Embassy Row, I was really visiting foreign countries. Furthermore, I personally travelled to the Bahamas when I was 10. And, I have been heavily involved in foreign trade due to the fact that most of what I purchase all has "Made in China" stamped on it somewhere. My junior high boyfriend was also 100% Greek, so I have personally been involved in numerous diplomatic missions and negotiations. I also regularly provide economic stimulus packages to Thailand by eating at my favorite Thai restaurant. See, I really am a foreign policy expert.

Let's watch Sarah Palin's logic about her foreign policy experience in her interview with Katie Couric . . . . And you'll love how she's finally figured out that Canada is her neighbor too! I think my favorite part is the disgust on Katie's face and also that no one can say there was sexism involved since Katie Couric is a woman.


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Here's the transcript from America Blog.