After much thoughtful reflection and consideration for the impact this decision has not only on myself, but on all of my friends and family, I have decided that I will not be making Nana's Fruitcake this Christmas. There will be no fruitcake at my housewarming party. No fruitcake as gifts. No fruitcake on Christmas.
Nana's Fruitcake has been made annually by Nana, my mom, or me for at least 50 years, but it will not be made this year. Last year, I made 25 cakes or so and gave most as gifts. I thought I'd written about it, but it seems I haven't written about my Fruitcake-capades since 2009, the year I first made fruitcake myself.
For me, making Nana's Fruitcakes the last two years has been a labor of love and it's kept Nana involved in Christmas, even though she's no longer physically here to celebrate with us.
This year, however, I'm simply not feeling it. Actually, I'm not feeling Christmas at all. I did a little decorating for Christmas last night, in preparation for the house-warming party I'm having this weekend, but I'm really just not feeling it. To be clear, I'm psyched to have friends over, but not about Christmas. I listen to holiday music on the radio in my car, hoping to get into the mood, but so far, the whole Christmas Spirit thing eludes me. I have Christmas cards to send, but haven't been able to get motivated to write them (it's actually a problem because I also haven't sent change of address cards and quite a few people don't know I've moved). I've got some Christmas presents, but can't begin to think about what I've got and where I still need a few gifts. And wrapping and mailing is just not in the realm of possibilities, at least not this week. Hopefully next week. Otherwise, I'm going to get in trouble for missing the day entirely.
I'm sure I'll feel differently when I get to Florida for what I'm fairly certain will be the last Christmas ever in Crystal Beach. I'll probably wish I could have gotten motivated when I realize that mom didn't leave any of Nana's Fruitcake in the freezer when she came to Chicago. And then I'll swear I will never fail to make fruitcake again.
But 2011 will go down as the year with none of Nana's Fruitcake.
Just one? Please? Name it Nana. She deserves to be there. Look at it once in a while. Smell it. Close your eyes and let her spirit talk.
ReplyDeleteBet you get your ass in gear when she's done!:)
Oh, sometimes the fields must lay fallow, in order to blossom more richly in the future.
ReplyDelete