Bucket List Item #61: Swim to BooHoo!

First, let me say that we need t-shirts for those of us who swim to BooHoo*. You know, like the t-shirts people have that say "I Survived the Bush Administration 2001-2009." Well, okay, not exactly like that. Swimming to BooHoo is a good thing, but you get the idea. Swimming to BooHoo is also hard work; don't listen to the folks who say it isn't. They lie.

You may recall that in my Watervale To Do List, item number 2 on my list was "swim from the dock at the Inn to BooHoo." It's also item number 61 on my Bucket List. From my very safe seat in my kitchen, this seemed like an easy and fun idea. When I arrived at Watervale and looked across the lake, however, I began to question my sanity (please keep your comments on this matter to yourself, thank you). It was much further than I remembered it and certainly appeared to be much further than the 328 yards (0.18 miles) I had heard it was. In fact, it looked to be about 10 miles. Depending on where you plan to arrive, it's actually about 1/4 mile to The Point and more than that (but less than 1/2 mile) to BooHoo. I asked Jennie and she'd know, so those numbers are as close to official as you can get.

The Point. About 1/4 mile from the dock.
(Taken from the dock with the zoom lens).

See that little sand peeking out from the trees? That's the bottom of BooHoo. Between 1/4 and 1/2 mile from the dock.
(Taken from the dock with the zoom lens).

I'm standing on the beach looking at The Point and at BooHoo. See, it's really really far - probably about 10 miles.

By Wednesday, I had worked up some of the nerve to attempt my swim and Dave agreed to spot me in the kayak, but I still wasn't sure. I had been a pretty strong swimmer as a kid, but somewhere along the way, I developed a slight fear of water that was not chlorinated or see-through and more than 12 feet deep. Lower Herring Lake definitely does not fit into that category and is 50 feet deep where I planned to swim. But I'd been talking up my swim all day, had tweeted about it and had told all of you I'd be swimming to BooHoo, so I felt some obligation to at least give it a shot. If I died or quit midway there, at least I would have tried.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I was. I wasn't convinced I could make it without Dave pulling me a good part of the way and, of course, I had a small worry that I'd drown. About an hour before my scheduled departure time, my dad suddenly announced he didn't think I could swim across the lake. My already fragile confidence took a nose dive, especially since he said it in front of friends who'd been trying to build me up. Continuing his monologue about why I shouldn't even attempt to swim across the lake because I wasn't my brother (the super athlete), I finally turned to my dad and said "How would you know? You never let me play sports when I was a kid. I have to do this. I'm tired of living life on the sidelines and in Dave's shadow." It felt good to stand up to my father, something I rarely do.

This swim was about so much more than just swimming. It was about me overcoming fears, stepping outside of my comfort zone, proving I could achieve my goal, discovering that maybe I do have untapped athletic ability and living life fully.

I got in the water and after about 10 minutes of hemming and hawing, I was off. Most of my friends make this swim in far less than 30 minutes. It took me an hour. I'd swim awhile and then need to stop and rest. I'm not really sure how much resting I did though since I tread water the entire time. I did hold onto Dave's kayak a few times, but he never towed me. I'd just tread water and we'd talk about whatever popped into my mind. Then after a few minutes, I'd start swimming again.

The funniest part of the swim came when a woman on a paddle board almost took my head off. I was treading water, chatting with Dave, when all the sudden this paddle board ran into me. We all laughed as I darted out of the way, but Dave said he had seen it coming for a few minutes. . . the two slowest things in the lake were drawn together like magnets.

Finally, I arrived at BooHoo on my own power (as opposed to being towed in by Dave). About 50 feet from shore I had a slight panic when I developed a cramp in my chest. I stopped swimming and breathed through it until I could swim again and then I finished. The important thing is that I made it without drowning or being decapitated. I heard the song Gonna Fly Now in my head as I emerged victorious from the lake. I think I even may have imitated Rocky on the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art, but I can't be sure because it's still a little fuzzy. All I know for certain is that the grin on my face and pride in my accomplishment hasn't yet been wiped off my face.

Below is a self-drawn picture of my swim. As you can see, my internal GPS was a bit faulty and I swam way out of my way. But I did it. I wish I could say I swam back, but I didn't. I took Dave's kayak and suggested he walk or swim. He chose to walk. Next year my goal is to swim both ways in under an hour.

Click on the picture to be taken to a clearer and larger version.
Yes, I'm a natural artist. Thank you for noticing.

*BooHoo is a sand dune just across the Lower Herring Lake from the Inn at Watervale and on the way to the Outlet (the Outlet being the place where Lower Herring Lake feeds into Lake Michigan). I believe that it's officially part of Watervale property, but I'm not 100% certain. It's my understanding that BooHoo got its name from Vera Noble who, as a child would climb the face of the dune and would cry as she climbed from the sand burning her feet. Although from the dock, BooHoo is difficult to see because of the trees that have grown around it, here's a picture of what it looks like from White Owl Road.

Special thanks for believing in my ability to swim to BooHoo goes out to one of my Forever Friends who sent me a text telling me that he believed in me and knew I could swim to BooHoo. His words stayed in my head for the entire swim and kept me going when I wanted to quit or thought I was about to drown.

Little Merry Sunshine is on the Chicago Tribune's Website!

In case you haven't seen my Twitters today,

"Little Merry Sunshine is on the front page of the Chicago Tribune online! www.chicagotribune.com! Check it out!!!" 10:59am from txt

"Today is the best day of 2009. Look at Little Merry Sunshine on the Chgo Trib website! www.chicagotribune.com Scroll down look on left." 8:40pm from web

you may not know that the Chicago Tribune highlighted Little Merry Sunshine as its featured blog from Chicago's Best Blogs today! Go take a look while it's still there (they change the featured blog almost daily). When you get to the Tribune, scroll down and look on the left under the box with today's columnists.

All I can say is WOW. WOW. WOW. And thank you.

I wish I could tell you that almost 2 years ago, when I first opened myself up to the world via Little Merry Sunshine, that I believed this blog of mine would take off and be noticed by anyone other than my mom and immediate best friends who read it because I begged them. I didn't. I didn't think anyone would care about anything I had to say. I thought I'd have 7 readers forever. But I just kept telling myself "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggone it, people like me!"

I was scared and insecure, but I kept writing for me, if for no one else. Many days Little Merry Sunshine is personal and about what I'm grateful for, what inspires me or just some crazy anecdote from my life. Some days it gets into politics because I believe most people get into politics to make the world a better place and it's a passion of mine. I write about the Cubs because I bleed Cubbie Blue. And I write about activism because contributing to the world around me is one of my top personal values and I believe we should all give back everyday.

Somewhere along the way, my readership started to grow and I gained a following. Your belief in me and your encouragement helped turn my wavering confidence into rock solid belief.

Thank you for reading my blog and contributing to the conversation through your comments and emails. Thank you for making me be better. Thank you for believing in me. Please keep reading Little Merry Sunshine and leaving your comments. And hang on because this ride is about to get even more fun.

Below are the screen shots, which I'll grant you are small and a bit difficult to read. But you can get the gist. The third and fourth shots show LMS (with the picture of Governor Blagojevich). The last shot shows the LMS in its entirety, although it's still difficult to read. The picture at the top of this post shows exactly how LMS was featured.


And here's one where you can see the entire feature for LMS:

Who Are We Not To Be Great? Or I Had A Chat With The Voices Inside My Head.

Ever since my post yesterday morning about Susan Boyle (check out this follow-up piece on the Britain's Got Talent website), I can't stop thinking about not only how others judge us, but how we judge ourselves. I don't know about you, but I know that I am my harshest critic.

We each have a little tape recorder in our heads that records the stuff we say to ourselves and that others say to us and can be triggered anytime to either lift us up or drag us down. And remarkably, this tape recorder in our brains never loses anything or erases the tape by accident. At any moment, for example, you can recall the time your grandmother told you you'd get fat if you had a second serving of something in front of the entire family at Christmas. Of course, you can also instantly recall the first time he said those three powerful words that rocked your world, "I love you." Or you can remember how you felt when you reached the top of that figurative (or literal) mountain you struggled to climb.

As I was thinking about Susan Boyle in the shower this morning (okay, all you perverts, and you know who you are, just stop), I started to think about how she never gave up on her dreams and clearly didn't hear or notice what others said or thought about her. I thought about how much I admire that quality.

I wondered if and how that intense focus related to my own life. I didn't have to think very long. I received ample evidence milliseconds later. You see, I have two dreams of my own that after many years of wonder and hope and work are beginning to show signs of coming true. As I stood there in my shower, that little tape recorder inside my brain started to play. "Why do you think you are talented?" "What makes you think anyone will care?" "You're not smart enough or good enough or pretty enough." And on and on. You probably know the drill.

But today, after having watched Susan Boyle, my brain snapped back into action and shut off the negative tape recorder. Instead, I heard a new tape. "Actually, who are you NOT to be talented and gifted and smart and pretty?" "Who are you trying to make feel better by not living up to your potential and achieving all your dreams?" And I remembered that famous Marianne Williamson quote that is often mistakenly attributed to Nelson Mandela.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles, Marianne Williamson, Harper Collins, 1992. From Chapter 7, Section 3 (Pg. 190-191).

So today, I challenge not only myself but you to remember that we are all put here to achieve our own greatness. It does no one any good for us to play small. I know how my life will be different now that my fear is gone. I know because I've seen the possibilities and I'm ready for them to become my reality.

Next Year Is Here!

The eternal optimist who bleeds Cubbie Blue, I'm legally required to believe that the start of each new baseball season is the beginning of our World Series winning season. This is the year we'll break our 100 year drought and win it all.

Baseball season officially begins today with the Cubs playing at Houston at 6:05pm CT. Zambrano is pitching and I'll be glued to my television like every true blue Cubs fan. So don't call me tonight. I won't be able to talk. Opening Day at Wrigley Field is next Monday with Colorado our first victim of the season at 1:20.

In honor of our winning season and 2009 being the year we take it all the way, enjoy these videos by some other great Cubs fans.

"Someday We'll Go All The Way" by Eddie Vedder


"Go Cubs Go" (2009 Edition) by Steve Goodman


"A Dying Cub Fan's Last Request" by Steve Goodman


In the interest of full disclosure, like me, the late Steve Goodman is a Lake Forest College Class of 1970 alum.

UPDATE: Cubs Win! Cubs Win! Final score: Cubs 4, Houston Astros 2. Zambrano got his 1st victory on Opening Day! Cubs are in 1st place! Only 161 more games plus playoffs & World Series to go and then the curse will be over!

If You Build It, They Will Come

Whenever I think of that famous line from The Field of Dreams, I'm reminded that by simply putting my wants, dreams, and desires out into the universe, they are more likely to come to fruition.

When I was a senior in college in 1993, I decided I wanted to move to Washington DC. I knew no one and had no potential job connections, but knew that if I got a hotel room for spring break and pounded the pavement, I'd create an opportunity. On the first day of my Spring Break, I got on a plane with a huge stack of resumes, my only business suit, comfy walking shoes, and a DC guidebook. I knocked on every door in Washington and made everyone speak to me until I found a job. Well, not a job, exactly, but an unpaid summer internship at the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. As August in DC rolled around, I realized I still was without full-time employment and would have to return to Chicago if I didn't have a job by Labor Day (per the deal I'd made with my parents). This was the last thing I wanted and I kept talking about the job I wanted in DC. Through the miracle of a blind want ad in the Washington Post, I landed my dream job the day after Labor Day and only had to return to Chicago long enough to pick up my winter clothes and drive back to DC. I had put my dreams out to the universe of being in DC, worked to make my dream come true, and I had seven of the best years of my life.

Fast forward to late 1999 when I was talking to a friend of mine and he asked if I'd ever return to Chicago. The truth was that as much as I loved DC, I missed my family and being able to attend the spontaneous family get-togethers. I told my friend that I might move back after President Clinton was out of office in January 2001. Much to my surprise, three months later, in March 2000, the universe presented me with the opportunity to return to my hometown and I took it.

Two years later, in the Spring of 2002, I was working for a company I wasn't terribly happy with. On two separate occasions over a two-week period, friends familiar with my work situation asked me what I'd do if I could create my dream job. I told them both that I'd be working in politics. Although I had volunteered on numerous political campaigns, I really wanted the opportunity to work in a paid capacity on a campaign. I had previously been offered a job in fundraising on a state-wide primary campaign, but something about it hadn't felt right and I had turned it down. About 10 days after my second conversation, my phone rang and I was offered a second opportunity to work in fundraising on a different state-wide campaign. Because opportunity doesn't often knock twice, much less more than that, I took the job. Again, I had spoken my desire to the universe and the universe answered.

I have two other dreams that are beginning to come to fruition. I can't talk about them yet, but they're both dreams I've had for years. I've slowly built the foundation for these dreams becoming reality and now that they seem to be happening, I couldn't be happier. And don't worry, when I can speak about them, Little Merry Sunshine is where I will break the news.

I know that many of you reading this will think it sounds hokey that I could simply speak my wishes and poof they came to fruition. Let's be clear, that's not exactly how things happened. I did verbalize my dreams into the universe, but I also worked to make my dreams come true by building up my qualifications or knocking on doors so that when my desires came true, I was ready. Sometimes it's a matter of unknowingly speaking my desires to the right person who can help me turn them into reality. But no matter what, putting my dreams into the universe is an important step in turning them into reality.

Just for fun and to remind you and me that it's not hokey to put your dreams out into the universe, take a minute to read the lyrics to "When You Wish Upon A Star" the famous Disney song. I know we all remember it from childhood, but until a friend pointed it out to me today, I hadn't ever really listened to or read the words.

When You Wish Upon A Star

Music by Leigh Harline / Lyrics by Ned Washington
Performed by Jiminy Cricket (Cliff Edwards)

When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you

If your heart is in your dream
No request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star
As dreamers do

Fate is kind
She brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of
Their secret longing

Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true

So get out there and start speaking your dreams and then get to work. If you build it, they will come.

More Things I Know for Sure

To follow on last night's theme of "things I know for sure," I have realized a few more today . . .

I know for sure that Annie was right. The sun will come out tomorrow. Sometimes literally and sometimes figuratively. And sometimes it takes more than just one day. But it always comes back out.

I know for sure that sometimes I just need a good friend to shake some sense into me, figuratively, not literally.

I know for sure that there's more than one way to look at everything. It's all in how we choose to spin things.

I know for sure that I'm loved.

I know for sure that nothing ever really gets accomplished when I get stuck in my head.

What I Know For Sure

Earlier today I wrote about how I am feeling overwhelmed. In the process of writing that post, I flipped over and read Kittens Farting Rainbows, a new favorite blog, and couldn't believe my eyes as Bergsie put many of my exact feelings into words. But she ended her post in a postive way, which I couldn't figure out how to accomplish. She ended with the things she knows. And I thought that might be the perfect cure for what ails me today.

Without further ado and in no particular order, here is partial list of the what I know for sure.

I know that Betsey and Ross are always eager to snuggle with me when I'm feeling down. They're not fair weather cats.

I know for certain that true love is out there. I haven't found it yet, but it's there somewhere. I just have to keep looking and being hopeful.

I can always count on my friends' Tweets to make me giggle.

I know that my purpose is greater than just being someone's daughter or sister or caregiver.

I know that there's some music that makes me dance and lifts me up and there's some music that makes me sad and cry. I have to stay away from the latter.

I know that I have the capacity to be a great mom. Whether that's in the cards for me or not, I'm not so sure. If it's not, I have to find a way to channel those energies.

I know that hard wood floors beat carpet any day.

I know my failings only too well and work everyday to overcome them.

Sometimes I stumble, but the only way I can recover is to get back up and dust off my knees. There's simply no other choice.

I know that when God closes a door, he always opens another one. My job is to find that door because sometimes it's hidden.

I know that most of what happens, the good and the bad, is what I choose, whether consciously or not. I am in control of my life and I can change what I don't like.

I know that every situation presents me with opportunities to learn and grow and be better.

I know that I'll keep being presented with the same lessons over and over again until I learn them.

I know that second chances don't come around very often and when they do, I have to explore them. I don't often get to find out the answer to the question "What if . . . ", but every time I've gotten to find out, it's been well worth it.

I know that the Cubs are bound to win the World Series . . . one of these years.

Reason, Season, & Lifetime Friends - A Re-Post

I originally wrote and published this post on February 12, 2008, but a year later, it remains the top post in popularity. When I review my blog statistics to see what brings people to Little Merry Sunshine, the top search is always "reason, season, and lifetime friends."

As we approach Valentine's Day, a day to celebrate love, I'm reminded of the love I have for all of my friends. Over the last 12 months, I've been blessed with some wonderful friends returning to my life - some after a 15+ year absence - and we've picked right back up and it's been like no time has been lost. In fact, we're closer now than we ever were.

And, it's for them, that I re-post what I wrote a year ago . . .

I have always believed there are three types of friends: Reason, Season, and Lifetime. None of them is bad. In fact, they are all equally important.

Reason Friends come into my life for a specific reason - to help me grow, to help me learn a lesson, etc. Once the reason is over, the friendship comes to its natural end. Sometimes work friends fall into this category. We may become very close to Reason Friends and share many intimate details from our lives, but they are still Reason Friends. I usually mourn their departure, but sometimes it's so gradual neither of us notices until it's too late. I also usually hope that our paths cross again.

Season Friends are in my life for a period of time. Some of my friends from college fall into this category. They were there for those 4 years, but after that Season in our lives was over, we went our separate ways. I always mourn when these friendships end because it means a significant time in my life is over, but it is also a time of exciting opportunity. Like Reason Friends, I hope my life path will cross again with my Season Friends.

Lifetime Friends, however, are my touchstones, my lifeblood. Without them, my life is empty. They are there through the thick and thin, exuberance, and sorrow. No matter what happens in our lives, our friendship remains. Sometimes we aren’t as close as others, but we always come back together. The thing about Lifetime Friends is that we can be apart for a decade or more, but when we finally come back together, it's like time has stood still and we pick up right where we left off. Being a Lifetime Friend has nothing to do with when the friendship began. It could be a 40 year old friendship or a 4 week old friendship.

Please don't misunderstand me. I don't treat any of my friends differently. Most of the time, I don't even consciously know which category they fall into.

Because February is the season of Love (and not just the romantic kind), it reminds me to tell my friends how much I love them. I know I don't say it often enough. But I do really and truly love each of my friends. So this Valentine's Day, I'm sending big hugs and kisses your way.

Next Year Is Here!

You may recall the long-term on-and-off love affair I just haven't been able to wiggle my way out of. Despite my lifetime of monogamy to this relationship, my heart has been stomped on repeatedly. Yet each time he says "next year is here," I pick up the pieces of my shattered hopes, dreams, and love, and come crawling back. This man simply has a strong hold on my heart and no matter what he does or how much he hurts me, I just keep coming back. You may say it's unhealthy to be so entwined, especially after all the heartache I've endured over the years, and I would agree. I wish I knew how to quit him, but the fact is, he completes me.

But the thing is, after all the times he's thoroughly let me down and crushed all my dreams, I think, no, I really believe that this time he's not just jerking me around. This is it. No heartbreak in 2008.

I believe that after all the years as the "lovable losers" and the near misses in 1945, 1969, 1984, 1989, 1998, 2003, and 2007, THIS is the year. The Cubs really are going all the way. This year, they'll end that 100 year old drought and win the World Series.



Updated: The Magic Number is ZERO! For the first time in a century, the Cubs have back-to-back playoff trips and are the NL Central Champs!

A Private Thank You in a Public Forum

I have two friends who have taught me a very valuable lesson over the last 18 months or so. What makes this the least bit interesting in my mind is that neither of these friends know each other, although I've certainly spoken to each of them about the other, and certainly neither of them set out to teach me anything. They just did.

My entire life I've been very analytical. I want to know an outcome or probable outcome before I do something. It's not that I can't or don't make decisions on the spur of the moment, I do. In fact, I've moved across country twice without really thinking about it. I think part of the reason I am sometimes overly cautious is because I never want to look bad or be embarrassed. And one of my faults is that I care (entirely too much) what other people think.

Usually being so analytical and worrying about what others will think has worked out okay. But far too often being so analytical and worrying about what others will think has caused me to miss out on what could have been amazing experiences.

So what does this admission of one of my (many) flaws have to do with these two friends? Everything.

Both of these friends have taught me to think less and do more. In their own special ways, they have both shown me how to take chances and step outside of my comfort zone in some huge ways and that it will all be okay. I've learned that whenever one of them suggests I get involved with something, the experience will be far greater than I could have ever imagined. They have both taught me that nothing great was ever achieved by worrying about being unpopular or that someone else will think it's stupid.

These two friends know exactly who they are and I won't name them here. They are two of the greatest people I've ever known and I'm proud to call them my friends.

I hope you have friends who teach you life lessons too.

Adventures in Kayaking

Somewhere along the lines, I developed an odd fear of the water. I say it's an odd fear because I was born in Florida and to hear my mom tell it, I could swim before I could walk. I loved swimming in the Gulf of Mexico or Lower Herring Lake or Lake Michigan at Watervale or the pool or the Atlantic Ocean while in the Bahamas. I had no fears at all back then. Water above my head? No problem. Dive into the deep end of the pool? Easy. Nothing bothered me. Just stick me in the water and I was a happy child.

But at some point, that stopped. I still loved swimming in pools, but I suddenly wanted nothing to do with the ocean or lakes at Watervale. And so I didn't. I don't know if it started when I started having problems seeing and needed glasses as a teenager, except I know the summer I worked at Watervale I spent a great deal of free time in the lakes. I just don't know.

So yesterday morning, when Dave suggested at breakfast that we go kayaking since it was my last day at Watervale, my initial answer was a firm no. Part of my resistance I'm certain came from my belief that I couldn't do it. Dave is super athletic and I'm not. And although I used to be a very strong swimmer, I'm not anymore. But Dave continued to pester me about it.

Finally, I asked "Will I end up in the lake?" thinking this would get him off my back because the obvious answer was "of course!" and that would be the end of it. But Dave, knowing when it's better to simply tell me what I want to hear, said "No, of course not. You'll be fine." And off we went.

All settled into my kayak with a life jacket secure around me, we were off to the Boo-Hoo sand dune and then to the Outlet and maybe Lake Michigan. About 1/3 of the way to Boo-Hoo, I lost my balance in the kayak and flipped into the water. At that point, the lake is about 25 feet deep and all I cared about was not losing my sunglasses, contacts, or the oar. I swallowed a bunch of water and came up coughing and struggling to catch my breath. Dave was within inches of me in his kayak and I had my life preserver on, so I was pretty safe, despite my flailing around as though I was drowning.

Once I calmed down and caught my breath, I realized my oar was less than 6 inches away from me and it floats and my sunglasses had remained on my face. I wasn't so certain about my contacts, however, as one seemed to be missing. I asked Dave if he would hop in the lake and find it, but he said no. Luckily, it had simply moved in my eye and quickly rearranged itself so I could see.

After about 5 minutes of futile attempts at getting back in the kayak that only resulted in numerous bruises all over my calves, Dave agreed to tow me back to shore, where I could easily get back in my kayak because I could stand.

Without further incident, we made it to Boo Hoo and then around to the Outlet, where I discovered a dam I had long ago forgotten. Dave soared right over the dam with ease and with his instruction, I was certain I could too. Recalling that the water rides at Great America were my favorite (and only ones I would go on), I figured this would be no more difficult.

I centered my kayak to aim for the deepest point of the dam, but ended up beached just to one side. Dave walked out and helped me get unstuck and realigned, and over the dam I went. Except that my kayak and I separated and I ended up back in the water. But I was determined.

I dragged my kayak to shore, walked it around the dam, got back in, centered myself for the deepest point and off I went. This time, I wound up stuck just to the left, but with Dave's help, I was easily realigned. Over the dam I went and again flipped my kayak. Take three. This time, Dave is laughing hysterically as I again got lined up and again flipped the kayak. But I was insistent that I would not return to Watervale until I had conquered this dam, which was all of about an 18 inch drop.

Dave had a different idea. He suggested that I give it a rest and we head out to Lake Michigan, kayak there for a little while and upon our return, I give the dam another try. So off we went.

We got about 20 feet out into Lake Michigan, when we discovered, much to our surprise, the air temperature on Lake Michigan was easily 15 degrees cooler than on Lower Herring and the water was probably in the low 50s. Dave suggested we head back (before I end up in the water) because it was too cold. As we arrived back at the Lake Michigan shore, I got caught in a wave and got dumped in the water. Luckily, the water was only about 6 inches deep, but the ground was very rocky and as I was standing up, I got pushed over by another wave and bloodied up my knees.

We made our way back through the Outlet toward the dam, which I was hell-bent on defeating. On my 4th and final try, I made it over successfully and then we kayaked back to Watervale where I laid in the sun for a couple of hours. Unfortunately, once I walked my kayak back around the dam and got in on Lower Herring Lake, rather than sitting in the seat, my butt landed on the side of the kayak and I now have a huge bruise on my ass.

I've never thought of myself as a rough and tumble girl because I've always been very girly and feminine. But I'm proud of all my bruises and scrapes. I wear them with honor. I also learned that kayaking is a blast, not nearly as difficult as I'd imagined, and the worst that can happen is I get a little wet. Once I was acclimated to the water, it actually felt good to be a fish again. Maybe I should start swimming laps at my local pool. I only wish I'd discovered all this earlier in the week. The good news is there's only 52 more weeks until Watervale 2009 and I will kayak everyday next year.

Missed Learning Opportunity

The story below appeared in this morning's Daily Herald and it simply saddens me. Letting children see democracy in action through voting is one of the most valuable and easily taught lessons available to schools.

When I was a child, I remember seeing the big blue voting boxes appear at the end of October, talking with the voting judges on voting day both before and after school, and then seeing the boxes disappear a couple of days later. (Disclaimer: Cousins of mine were always election judges at my school, which may have also piqued my interest in all that was going on). I would always ask my parents if they voted (they did) and I grew up believing that everyone voted. They just did. At least in my mind. It wasn't until many years later, maybe not until I got to college, that I learned that not everyone voted. I won't get into my soap box about why everyone must vote. You can thank me anytime.

In my opinion, so many lessons children receive are caught, rather than just taught. Sure, my parents voted and my family is politically active, which gave me a head start. Without seeing democracy in action, how do kids who grow up in homes where the parents don't vote and who believe it's all fixed anyway or their vote doesn't matter or the rich, elite, and powerful will always run everything come to believe anything else? It's one thing for children to hear about voting and read about elections in the classroom, but using schools as polling places when school is in session brings it all to life and teaches kids valuable lessons about being responsible citizens.

I will concede that since I don't have kids, I may not understand the overwhelming need to protect them from all the dangers in the world. But I think that the logic that allowing strangers into the schools to vote brings unnecessary risk to children is false. I vote at a school and we are restricted to the gymnasium, which is accessed directly from the outside. School isn't in session (thanks District 25!), but even if it was, we would never even come close to seeing kids.

Using the logic relied on by proponents to close schools on Election Day, I think that also calls for eliminating all field trips (which I also think is over-the-top). Strangers walking around the zoo or a museum can't be controlled and have far greater access to children than anyone does on Election Day. Maybe kids also shouldn't go to the public pool or town festivals or play outside.

Many school districts have also eliminated annual trips to Washington DC because of liability issues. My class trip to Washington in 1985 changed my life. I saw and experienced all that I had read about in history books. The Constitution and Declaration of Independence were no longer just words I had to memorize. I remember thinking during that trip that I wanted to live there someday. My parents couldn't afford to take a family vacation there and but for that trip, I might never have lived in Washington DC.

I understand that the world is very different today than it was 25 years ago, but I worry about the unforeseen costs we incur by overprotecting kids. Without these lessons in civics, history and politics, how will we raise the next generation of public servants? How will kids even know a life in public service is possible or what it means?

Too many kids grow up believing they can be the next Michael Jordan or David Beckham, which simply isn't realistic. And as a society, we encourage it. Of course, not everyone can be the President of the United States either, but everyone can and should be involved in their community and local government either as a volunteer or elected official. And it all begins with voting.

More schools taking day off for election day
By Jake Griffin Daily Herald Staff Writer

Published: 7/15/2008 12:05 AM

Fewer students are getting the up-close-and-personal lessons in American democracy they once were afforded.

Citing safety concerns and faster voting operations, a growing number of school districts are giving students Election Day off this year.

In most counties, 30 to 40 percent of the polling places are schools. That's because they are usually centrally located, easily accessible and have the space.

But what they often lack is a security detail to keep voters from wandering the school. Combine that with a massive increase in traffic that day and parents, school administrators and election officials can see a problem just waiting to happen.

"Our school officials were very receptive to our proposal because of how thorough we were with our research," said Robin Church, president of the Indian Prairie Unit District 204's parents council, which serves portions of Naperville, Aurora, Plainfield and Bolingbrook. "We know nothing has happened; that's why we call it a proactive school safety initiative."

District 204 is not only keeping students home Nov. 4, but it swapped some teacher in-service dates to keep kids home during the February primary as well.

"What we've done is committed to use nonattendance days on election days to avoid having kids in school then," said Mark Metzger, District 204 school board president. "If you're allowing the general public into the building, then we're worried about our kids."

The District 204 group's report has become the Magna Carta of Election Day school safety studies. Other parent groups in DuPage County have asked for its help and members have made presentations to the county's election commission about the benefits closing schools would have on voters. Some officials elsewhere also endorse the group's findings. They cite the dangers of self-directed parking at most schools for voters, shared entrances for voters and schoolchildren, and controlling access to the school.

"To me, that is such an ideal situation," Kane County Director of Elections Linda Mitchell said about closing schools on Election Day. "It would mean so much to getting our jobs done more easily."

It's not a new idea; it's just that the District 204 report pretty much covers every base. It received endorsements from state education and election groups. The group even did a safety audit of schools during a recent election that showed how easily voters can get into the school.

Its report also includes safety initiatives if boards determine schools must remain open. They suggest adding security personnel to keep voters out of restricted school space, requiring sign-in sheets, and training election judges in school safety procedures.

Neighboring Naperville Unit District 203 will remain open on Election Day because the teachers contract won't allow them to take the day off, said Melanie Raczkiewicz, the district's associate superintendent for operations. She would not provide great detail about the school's security protocols other than to say the issue has been discussed.

"We do have a person who stays in that polling area to keep an eye on things," she said. "Safety is our primary concern and we have never had a problem."

Fourteen school districts in DuPage will keep students home on Election Day this year. Election officials in other counties also are reporting more schools taking the day off this year.

"We've lost some schools who don't feel it's safe for us to use their space for voting," said Lake County Clerk Willard Helander. "We have statutory authority behind us, but we know if we're not wanted, the day is not going to go as well."

Attempts to legislate the issue have all met the same fate. Three bills designed to keep kids home on Election Day were essentially killed in committee last year in Springfield.

"We caught a lot of problems with the bill," said state Rep. JoAnn Osmond, an Antioch Republican. "Everybody had an excuse not to do it, and it got to be more controversial than it was worth."

Osmond's bill simply required schools to keep students home on Election Day. Chicago Democratic state Rep. Connie Howard's bill would have made the day a state holiday and given just about everyone the day off.

"I just thought it might encourage everyone to come out and vote if they didn't have anything else to do that day," she said. "But we heard about it from everyone who was complaining their businesses would suffer if they had the day off."

Another bill would have required teacher institute days be scheduled on election and primary dates before any other day, but it never made it out of committee, either.

One law that did get passed bans registered sex offenders from voting at schools. But everyone admits there's no one at the polling places making sure that law is obeyed.

"I don't think any of these bills made much of a difference to us," said Jean Donovan, the past president of the District 204 parents council. "We came in with everything we had and all these people to say this was the right decision and our board listened."

No school
These school districts are among those not holding classes on Election Day in November:

DuPage County
Queen Bee School District 16, Glendale Heights
Keeneyville School District 20, Hanover Park
West Chicago Elementary School District 33
Glen Ellyn School District 41
Lombard Elementary School District 44
Downers Grove Grade School District 58
Maercker District 60, Clarendon Hills
Darien Public Schools District 61
Gower School District 62, Willowbrook
Center Cass School District 66, Downers Grove
Woodridge School District 68
Glen Ellyn Elementary District 89
Indian Prairie Unit District 204
Elmhurst Unit District 205

Lake County
Beach Park School District 3
Emmons School District 33, Antioch
Waukegan Public School District 60
Kildeer Countryside School District 96, Buffalo Grove
North Shore School District 112, Highland Park
Round Lake Area School District 116

Kane County
East Aurora District 131

Cook County
Palatine Township Elementary District 15
Wheeling Township Elementary District 21
Prospect Heights School District 23
Arlington Heights School District 25
River Trails School District 26
Schaumburg Community Consolidated District 54
Mount Prospect School District 57
Des Plaines Community Consolidated District 62
East Maine School District 63

Happy 1st Blog-iversary!

I can't believe it's been a whole year since I started writing Little Merry Sunshine!

Tim first put the crazy thought into my head that I should start a blog. And I laughed. But he was kind of persistent. And I laughed some more. But I chewed on it. For about 3 months or so. I have so many friends who write for a living and I couldn't imagine that anything I had to say would be nearly as pretty as their prose or that I'd have any readers, much less loyal readers. Of course, one of the many things I've learned this year is that if Tim suggests it, I should just do it without hesitation.

When I first began Little Merry Sunshine, it wasn't even open to the public. It was only open to Tim, Tony and Brad. And I emailed them and asked for their feedback. That's right, I asked a New York Times Best Selling Author to review my little blog before I published it to the world. I obviously have no ego problems. I'd forgotten that Tim and Tony were in Italy and incommunicado for 2 weeks, but within a couple of days, Brad wrote me back and said "It's you. It's your voice. And it's great." And so Little Merry Sunshine made its world debut.

You know that memorable quote from "Field Of Dreams" of "If you build it, they will come"? Well, that's exactly how's it's been this year. I built it and you showed up. And I'm humbled.

What started out as my way of sharing what I believe in, what inspires me, my gratitude list (here too), adventures in gardening, journeys down memory lane and amusing family stories (they're amusing to me and that's all that counts!) has turned into so much more. We all now know what scares me, what irritates me, what I asked Santa for (and Santa, I'm STILL waiting!), whom I endorse politically, my favorite things (never to be confused with Oprah's), my lust for Rick Springfield, and all of my shameless plugs for my favorite friends and family. I've even made some new friends thanks to blogging! And, of course, Betsey and Ross. Little Merry Sunshine (and I) wouldn't be complete without them.

What's in store for year number 2? While I can't know for sure exactly where life will take me and my blog, I do know a few things. For certain, the political commentaries will continue. It's a long way til November. The Cubs rock this year, so I'm sure to continue singing their praises. Look for more shameless plugs about my super cool friends too. Betsey and Ross are turning 12 this week. Other than that, the universe is my playground and I can't wait to continue sharing my take on it.

What I know for sure, however, is that without you reading and commenting, this wouldn't be so much fun for me. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts with me. I look forward to our continued dialogue in the new year!

Let It Go!

I'm not a terribly religious person. I consider myself more spiritual than religious, but maybe others would call me a "Cafeteria Christian" meaning I pick and choose what part of my religion I subscribe to. I would prefer to say that I'm open to the ideas of many ways of thought.

I say all of this as a preface to something I was emailed earlier today that made me think and spoke to me. It's a poem by Bishop T.D. Jakes, who I will admit I'm not terribly familiar with, called "Let It Go." The message in this poem is a good one about the people and stuff in our lives. It reminds me that it's not good to hold onto things and relationships that are not positive in my life. Sometimes, in the past, I've been guilty of holding onto stuff (both material and emotional) way too long. And also in the past, I've been guilty of holding onto relationships in my life because I thought "negative attention or love was better than no attention or love." The fact is that negative is negative and it brings me down like a lead weight.

But that's not who I am anymore. I deserve better. I deserve relationships and stuff in my life that support me and lift me up and help me be a better person. And I hope that in my relationships, I support, lift up and make the other people be better too.

This poem reminds me of a topic I've written about before about Reason, Season, and Lifetime People. I believe that 100%. Sometimes it's easy to mistake Season People for Lifetime People, but the trick is to let them go when you realize the Season is over and not look back with regret.

Without further ado, here's the poem. I hope it speaks to you the way it did to me.

Let It Go by TD Jakes

There are people who can walk away from you.
And hear me when I tell you this!
When people can walk away from you: let them walk.

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you,
loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you.
I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk.
Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

People leave you because they are not joined to you.
And if they are not joined to you,
you can't make them stay.
Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person,
it just means that their part in the story is over.
And you've got to know when people's
part in your story is over so that you
don't keep trying to raise the dead.

You've got to know when it's dead.
You've got to know when it's over.
Let me tell you something.
I've got the gift of good-bye.
It's the tenth spiritual gift,
I believe in good-bye.

It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful,
and I know whatever God means for me to have
He'll give it to me.
And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it.
Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something
that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life,
then you need to ..LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ..
LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth...
LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you ...
LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge ..
LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction ..
LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents ..
LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude...
LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better...
LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him...
LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship....
LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves..
LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed ....
LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling
yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to...
LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past.
Forget the former things.
GOD is doing a new thing for 2008 !!!
LET IT GO!!!

Get Right or Get Left .. think about it, and then LET IT GO!!!

What Would You Do If You Were Given 6 Months To Live?

Let me just say that I am not trying to tell anyone anything about me or them. I am healthy and happy and plan on being here for many years to come.

Today, however, has been a day of discussing mortality. I just met with my attorney regarding my powers of attorney (which you all BETTER have!). Then I met with my accountant regarding my 2007 taxes (yep, I know I've waited til the last second, but it's done). Then I came home and had lunch while reading Brad's blog and he wrote about Randy Pausch, a man I wrote about in February in a post titled "The Last Lecture." Ironically, this morning I also saw a commercial for the Diane Sawyer special tomorrow night titled "The Last Lecture: A Love Story For Your Life," which you should watch.

So I ask again: What would you do if you were given 6 months to live?

There are quite a few things I'd do:

1. I'd call or write each person I've ever loved in any way and tell them how much they meant to my life and thank them for being part of it.
2. I'd tell everyone who ever brought me pain or hurt me that I forgave them a long time ago.
3. I'd apologize and ask forgiveness from those I'd hurt, even if I'd done that 20 years ago.
4. I would gather my inner circle close to me and spend as much time with them as possible doing all the things we ever talked about doing - travelling, singing, dancing, loving, and more. And we'd capture it all in pictures or video.
5. I'd toss out most of my stuff so my family didn't have to go through it once I was gone. It's just stuff, afterall.
6. I'd get out of my head, where I have previously gotten stuck too much.
7. I'd watch the sunrise and sunset everyday.
8. I'd use the words "I love you," "please" and "thank you very much" more.
9. I'd say "good morning" or "good afternoon" and smile at everyone, all the time.
10. If I read any books at all, it would all be stuff that lifted me up and fed my soul.
11. I'd see all the places I've always wanted . . . the Great Pyramids, the Grand Canyon, Paris, the Great Wall of China, and many more.
12. I'd abandon my fears.
13. I'd get out the "special" outfits, linens and dishes and wear and use them daily.
14. I'd journal or blog daily and I'd submit some of my writing for publication.
15. I would only eat foods I savored.
16. I'd no longer feel imposed on when asked to go antiquing with my dad or the other things with my parents that aren't exactly my favorite things to do.
17. Only kind and grateful words would cross my lips.
18. I'd climb Baldy again.

And there are quite a few things I wouldn't do:

1. I wouldn't waste a minute of time worrying.
2. I wouldn't waste one second of time wasting time.
3. I wouldn't watch TV.
4. I wouldn't sleep much more than was absolutely necessary, which given I'd only have 6 months to live, wouldn't be much.
5. I wouldn't work more than I needed to in order to fund the fun I would be having.
6. I would never raise my voice, lose my temper, or lose patience.
7. I wouldn't gossip.

Of course, even though I plan to live to a ripe old age, there's no point in waiting for "tomorrow" or some "special event." In short, I want to start Live Like I Was Dying so I never feel the need to squeeze it all in.

Take Me Out to the Ballgame!

The day I've waited for all winter is finally here: Opening Day at Wrigley Field!

Yes, it's raining. Yes, it's been a full century since the Cubs last won the World Series. Yes, the Cubs routinely disappoint us and break our hearts. Yes, we get our hopes up each year only to have them crushed by the All-Star Break.

But next year is here.

I believe 2008 will be filled with Cubs magic and they will win it all. And I look forward to at least one fun-filled sunny afternoon in the bleachers this summer. Of course, I don't have tickets yet, but I'm happy to let anyone take me to a game. Hint. Hint. Hint.

Reason, Season, and Lifetime Friends

I have always believed there are three types of friends: Reason, Season, and Lifetime. None of them is bad. In fact, they are all equally important.

Reason Friends come into my life for a specific reason - to help me grow, to help me learn a lesson, etc. Once the reason is over, the friendship comes to its natural end. Sometimes work friends fall into this category. We may become very close to Reason Friends and share many intimate details from our lives, but they are still Reason Friends. I usually mourn their departure, but sometimes it's so gradual neither of us notices until it's too late. I also usually hope that our paths cross again.

Season Friends are in my life for a period of time. Some of my friends from college fall into this category. They were there for those 4 years, but after that Season in our lives was over, we went our separate ways. I always mourn when these friendships end because it means a significant time in my life is over, but it is also a time of exciting opportunity. Like Reason Friends, I hope my life path will cross again with my Season Friends.

Lifetime Friends, however, are my touchstones, my lifeblood. Without them, my life is empty. They are there through the thick and thin, exurberence, and sorrow. No matter what happens in our lives, our friendship remains. Sometimes we aren’t as close as others, but we always come back together. The thing about Lifetime Friends is that we can be apart for a decade or more, but when we finally come back together, it's like time has stood still and we pick up right where we left off. Being a Lifetime Friend has nothing to do with when the friendship began. It could be a 40 year old friendship or a 4 week old friendship.


Please don't misunderstand me. I don't treat any of my friends differently. Most of the time, I don't even consciously know which category they fall into.

Because February is the season of Love (and not just the romantic kind), it reminds me to tell my friends how much I love them. I know I don't say it often enough. But I do really and truly love each of my friends. So this Valentine's Day, I'm sending big hugs and kisses your way.

We Interrupt the Regularly Scheduled Cold and Snow . . .

. . . to inform you that Spring Training is right around the corner.

Pitchers and Catchers report to Spring Training in 22 days and counting.

The rest of the players report a few days later.

Spring and Summer can't be too far away.

Go Cubs!

Politics Is In My Blood

Growing up, I learned about politics sitting at the knee of my paternal grandfather. He lit a fire deep within me with his in-depth explanations of the 1980 Republican National Convention and why Ronald Reagan would change the world. Although I've come to disagree with his beliefs about just how great Ronald Reagan was, I still love politics today. In fact, it runs through my blood. The political game is in my soul. If not for my grandfather, I might never have gone to Washington DC in 1993. And we all know how well that turned out.

I have never missed an opportunity to vote. In fact, I don't think voting is a privilege. I believe it's a duty. I believe that we are all obligated to learn about our political candidates - local and national - and vote in every election. And I can't understand why people don't vote.

I have volunteered on numerous political campaigns at all levels, was even fortunate enough to work in a paid position on a state-wide campaign in 2002, and even worked on the Inaugural Committee after the 1996 Presidential Election. I LOVE POLITICS.

Politics is such a part of my soul, I even named my cats Betsey and Ross.

What I love even more is how people get involved and it becomes so personal for them. I have a young friend who worked for Obama in Iowa and got out 90 votes for him in her precinct (34 came out for Edwards and 9 were undecided). She's 19 and this was her first election. I'm so proud of her for being so involved. When I saw her this summer, I recognized the way her eyes danced when she spoke about the candidates - it's in her blood too. She was very knowledgeable and obviously put a lot of thoughtful consideration in her choice. It had become personal for her.

I also love the people of Dixville Notch in New Hampshire. They have the first in the nation voting tonight at midnight (eastern time) and then again on November 4th. Dixville Notch is this tiny town in Northern New Hampshire, just south of the Canadian border. They have 16 registered voters. And at midnight, all 16 will vote. You read that right - Dixville Notch has 100% voter participation. And it's a big deal. Whole families come out. The kids are excited. Once all 16 voters have exercised their right, the ballots will be counted and the results will be made public.

You may be familiar with Dixville Notch from The West Wing, although in The West Wing, Dixville Notch was called Hartsfield's Landing. One of my favorite episodes.

If you haven't decided which candidate you will support yet, I urge you to familiarize yourself with each of them and to vote on February 5th (or whatever day your state primary is held).

Here are some links to help you:

Transcript of the ABC/Facebook Democratic Debate - January 5, 2008
Transcript of the ABC/Facebook Republican Debate - January 5, 2008
Meet The Candidates from ABC News

And some quizzes that think they can help you narrow down the right candidate for you:
Match-O-Matic
Glassbooth
Select A Candidate
Presidential Candidate Selector
The Vote-by-Issue Quiz

For even more information on the candidates in many races, check the list of political websites at the left.

UPDATE 1/7/08 11:10pm CT: Dixville Notch voted. Voting started at 12:00am ET and ended at 12:02am. 17 votes were cast because minutes before voting started a new registration was received. Here are the results:

Democrats
Obama - 7 votes
Edwards - 2 votes
Richardson - 1 vote

Republicans
McCain - 4 votes
Romney - 2 votes
Guiliani - 1 vote

Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

I know it's been many years since I've written you a letter at Christmas. Usually, my desires at Christmas are so mundane that I don't want to waste your time. But this year is different. You see, Santa, I'm looking for a very specific gift this year that I think only you can deliver. No, I'm not looking for an Hannah Montana tickets or even Barbie's Dream House. This year I want a Man. Yes, Santa, I know I just said I want a Man. A real live Man.

He should be single meaning not currently married, in a relationship, or in the midst of breaking up. I'd like him to be emotionally mature and available with all working parts. I hope he takes care of himself to ensure he will be around for many years. I don't want a model that breaks down after playing with him just a couple of times. Ideally he will date between 1965 and 1975. And while this probably goes without saying, he should be straight.

Beyond that, I'm not terribly picky. The reason I'm coming to you Santa is because I've dated some men in the past who were ok. But the Man I'm specifically asking you for is an extraordinary model. He's the rare kind whose actions speak as loudly as his words, who lives by the Golden Rule, who deserves me, and is not tied down by his past.

I'm not trying to be arrogant here, Santa. I realize that I have my flaws and that no one is perfect. But I think that when the Elves pull out their records, you'll see just how good I've been. I treat others the way I want to be treated, I stand by my commitments, have never cheated on anyone, don't do any illegal drugs (never have), love my family, and do charity work. I'm also taking better care of myself because I deserve to have the healthiest body I can have.

Santa, I know you're busy. And this is a most unusual request. But given the magic of the Christmas season and all the other much more difficult requests you've got to fill (e.g., Hannah Montana tickets), I'm sure you can handle this. Frankly, if anyone can fulfill my Christmas Wish, Santa, you're the only Man who can.

Please don't feel you have to wait until Christmas morning to deliver my Man. If you find him sooner, please feel free to deliver him early. Of course, I can't make any promises about waiting until December 25th to unwrap him. I'm good, Santa, but even I'm not THAT good.

Love,

Jessica

P.S. I'm really over that whole Easy Bake Oven debacle from when I was 5. I forgive you. And I promise to never mention it again.