My Friends Say the Darndest Things

Over the past couple of days, my friends have said things to me that, 36 hours later, still have me laughing so hard my sides hurt.

First up, Tony. He posted the following description of his day on Facebook.

"I feel like I have been standing all day in a room filled with 111 flying monkeys flinging feces at me."

Yep, I feel you, Tony. I had that day yesterday too. It was hard. But you put it into words far better than I could.

Next up, Amy. She'd been out late the night before and I sent her a text yesterday morning asking how she was feeling. About six hours later, I received this text in return.

"Like I got eaten by a coyote & shit off a cliff."

Oh, honey. That perfectly describes how I feel sometimes too. I hope you hydrated and good hangover food to ease your pain.

Holy cow, I have some damn funny friends. I just wish I could think of such witty things at the drop of a hat. Without a doubt, I'm going to find ways to incorporate these fantastic sayings into my everyday vernacular. When you hear them, you'll know the origin.

I must keep these people in my life. Thank you for being my friends and for keeping me in stitches.

The House That 23 Built aka My New Home

You may have recently seen in the press that my beloved Michael Jordan has put his Highland Park, Illinois home on the auction block.

When this news hit the media last month, I posted it on Facebook inviting my friends to join with me and form a coalition to purchase the home. We only need $250,000 between us. It's 56,000 square feet on 7+ acres of property, with an NBA regulation basketball court, infinity swimming pool with private island, PGA regulation putting green, tennis courts, a lake, a full beauty salon, 500 bottle wine cellar (that's enough to get through 2014), and much more. The house has 9 bedrooms, including a 3 bedroom guest house. Plus, it's being sold furnished. This is a bargain.

I figured that if a number of us chipped in, we would easily have enough money for the winning bid and with 9 bedrooms, there would be plenty of space for all of us to live in the house simultaneously. Obviously, we'd need to do this in order to afford the monthly upkeep on it and the property taxes.

Friends came out in droves and, in the end, we formed a Facebook Legal binding agreement through the status and comments among six of us.

One of the new homeowners, Anthony, posted the video below providing us all with a tour of the inside of the house. I don't know about anyone else, but I think it's pretty move-in ready. MJ seems to have been a fairly responsible homeowner and the house is fairly updated.




The auction is on November 22nd, so we'll be in by Thanksgiving. It's going to be the best Thanksgiving ever.

The Menopause: What Your Momma Never Told You

Disclaimer: Mom, This post is not meant to be disrespectful to you in any way, shape, or form. Nothing in it is a reference to you and the talks we shared once upon a time about my changing body and reproduction. Those talks were excellent and you gave me all the information that was appropriate for my 8-year-old me to know. We continued to speak about it as I grew up, and for that, I'm grateful. You always gave me factual and truthful information. At no time did you attempt to convince me that babies were brought into the word via the sacred belly button. Any information you failed to give me, I earnestly believe you did not know. And how could you? It's not as if Nana ever gave you "the birds and the bees" talk. And Lord knows she never spoke to you about The Menopause. Disclaimer Ends.

And now I return you to your regularly scheduled program.

Did your Momma have "the talk" with you when your body started changing? The one about where babies came from? The one about what's happening to your body, why you're changing in ways you never imagined, and why hygiene is now more important than ever? Mine did. I'm sure yours did too.

As useful as that talk was, let's face it, we could have all learned that stuff where God intended - at slumber parties with our girlfriends who passed down the "knowledge" they learned from their older sisters and in the backseat of Jake Ryan's Red Porsche. We'd have been just fine thank you very much.

But, what would have been incredibly useful and what we aren't going to figure out on our own very easily (or in the backseat of Jake's Porsche) is about that fun time in our later years, when our ovaries become senile and when we mourn the loss of our child producing years. That's right, it would have been super helpful if our Mamma's had talked to us about The Menopause.

Fortunately for you, my dear reader, I realize how important this knowledge is for you, your loved ones, and your changing body.

To that end, I've secured this educational video from 1953 that was created to train doctors on treating women experiencing the malady known as The Menopause.  My favorite parts? The ominous music at the beginning left me expecting a knife wielding stranger stabbing me in the shower. I also loved the fact that the movie is narrated by a man because, let's face it, if anyone is an expert on what the female body is doing, it's a man. Finally, I'm really touched by the treatment methods that include sedation for women experiencing The Menopause.

Because the full 22-minute video is so graphic, the video below is the 5-minute highlight reel. It's R rated in a couple places, so be careful if you're watching it at work. If you want to see the full video, click here, but keep in mind that it's NSFW.



I hope this training video makes you more comfortable with your changing body and hormones and that you're now better prepared to experience The Menopause. If it doesn't, may I recommend a stiff drink? I plan to get through The Menopause, when it arrives in a decade or two, by medicating with wine. If you're the loving partner of a woman going through The Menopause, run.

I wish I could say that in the past 60 years, we've come a long way baby, but that would be a lie. Given all the attempts to turn back the clock on women's reproductive health care rights in the Red States, I'm not sure we've progressed at all.

The 30 Day Plank Pose Challenge

Almost two weeks ago, my friend Kristin posted the 30 Day Plank Pose Challenge on her Facebook wall saying she was going to do it and asking if any of her friends wanted to join in. Without stopping to think of all the reasons why I couldn't possibly do it, I immediately said, "I'm in!" And then I posted it to my own wall asking my friends to join me. Six of them did.

Today is Day 10 for me and I'm now holding the Plank Pose for 60 seconds. I started out at 20 seconds and in 10 days, I've tripled it!

If you've never done Plank Pose, it's hard. It burns. My body sometimes shakes afterwards, although that has decreased.

I know you're wondering why anyone would be crazy enough to take this challenge if it was so miserable. The answer is simple: It makes me strong and builds my Core. Just look at all the muscles that are in use when I plank. From upper arm muscles to core muscles to thigh and calf muscles, plank pose has something for most sections of the body.

Care to start your own Plank Pose Challenge? Here's the schedule:

Day 1 = 20 seconds

Day 2 = 20 seconds

Day 3 = 30 seconds

Day 4 = 30 seconds

Day 5 = 40 seconds

Day 6 = REST

Day 7 = 45 seconds

Day 8 = 45 seconds

Day 9 = 60 seconds (1 minute)

Day 10 = 60 seconds

Day 11 = 60 seconds

Day 12 = 90 seconds (1 ½ minutes)

Day 13 = REST

Day 14 = 90 seconds

Day 15 = 90 seconds

Day 16 = 120 seconds (2 minutes)

Day 17 = 120 seconds

Day 18 = 150 seconds (2 ½ minutes)

Day 19 = REST

Day 20 = 150 seconds

Day 21 = 150 seconds

Day 22 = 180 seconds (3 minutes)

Day 23 = 180 seconds

Day 24 = 210 seconds (3 ½ minutes)

Day 25 = 210 seconds

Day 26 = REST

Day 27 = 240 seconds (4 minutes)

Day 28 = 240 seconds

Day 29 = 270 seconds (4 ½ minutes)

Day 30 = PLANK FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE

Day 31 – Forever = Keep Planking to Keep Getting Stronger

Thanks to the Health Matters Facebook Page for creating this awesome challenge.

If you want to get more out of your planks, check out these great tips my friend Wini sent me.

Got the Monday Blues? Do the Calvin & Hobbes Dance!

It's Monday, which means it's time to go back to work after a great weekend, and you may have the Monday Morning Blues.

Thanks to Scott Kleinberg for tweeting this bit of awesomeness on Friday, it's not humanly possible for you to be blue today. I promise. So watch the video. You'll be very glad you did because let's face it, we all still miss Calvin & Hobbes.



The Calvin & Hobbes awesomeness doesn't stop there, however. On November 15th, Dear Mr. Watterson, a documentary about the impact of Calvin & Hobbes, is being released in theaters. I may get in line now. I see a movie field trip in my immediate future. Who wants to join me in seeing the movie (preferably on opening night)?

For your viewing pleasure, here's the trailer.

A Calvin & Hobbes movie is definitely worth dancing about!

Words of Wisdom

Two good friends sent me these pictures last week. I needed these words of wisdom because it was a tough week, both personally and professionally.

The good news is that none of it took me down. Both experiences were momentarily tough, but I bounced back faster than ever before. That's growth.

I'm really blessed to have good friends who celebrate life's victories with me and lift me up when life gets tough.

Thanks ladies!

Readers Speak Up! What Do You Want to Read on LMS?

In yesterday's blog post, I suggested that I might tackle some topics you, my dear readers, were interested in. The idea spoke to me.

So now I'm coming to you.

What would you like to read about on Little Merry Sunshine in November and December?

Each week, in November and December, I'll choose a reader suggested topic and write about it on Saturday.

I'm happy to write about almost anything you suggest, so ask me anything.

There are just a few guidelines:

1. All requests must be submitted by Thursday so that I have time to research the topic (if needed) and write.
2. As always, I won't write about anything that could get me fired or anything too personal.
3. Religion and politics are acceptable topics.

I can't wait to hear what you'd like to read about. 

It's NaBloPoMo and I'll Write Every Day in November

 

It's NaBloPoMo or National Blog Posting Month, for those of you not in the know.

The idea of NaBloPoMo is that bloggers write and publish on their blogs every single day for a month. It's not as easy as it seems. I haven't posted daily since January 2009, when I posted 38 times in 31 days.

Because I haven't been writing much and I really want to get back into the habit of it, I've decided to take on this challenge as part of my 100 New Experiences (it's item #126). Yes, I know it breaks my rules about "new" experiences being those I've never had or haven't had in more than 10 years, but I'm going to claim it as a new experience anyway.

During the month, I expect I'll catch you up on my 100 New Experiences, share what's on my gratitude list, and tell some stories that have been rolling around my head for some time now. You may see an album of super cute Sammy and Zoey pictures. I may even tackle some of the NaBloPoMo suggested topics from Blogher. If you have requests, I'll consider those too. Who knows where the month will take us.

Get a cup of tea and get comfy. You'll have a lot of reading to do.

The True Cost of Pneumonia

If you follow me on Twitter or are friends with me on Facebook, you know that I've had pneumonia, bronchitis, and an ear infection in the last three weeks. Fortunately, I'm fully on the mend now and feeling about 95% like myself.

Now that I'm close to well, I've started to notice all the bills arriving from the plethora of doctors, nurse practitioners, x-ray technicians, radiologists, ENTs, and pharmacists who have treated me since September 25th.

Let's take a peek at my bills. These are all retail prices, but of course, BCBS has the established rates they will pay and the rest gets written off by the provider.

• 4 Prescriptions . . . $235
• 2 Walgreens Take Care Clinic Visits . . . $178
• 2 Primary Care Physician Visits . . . $315
• 1 Chest X-Ray at the Hospital (does not include Radiologist). . . $550
• 1 Ear, Nose & Throat Doctor Visit . . . $190

TOTAL MEDICAL BILLS RELATED TO PNEUMONIA: $1,468 (excluding the Radiologist)

Fortunately for me, I have great health care insurance. Sure, I have a $2,500 annual deductible on top of my monthly premiums, but once I pay my deductible, I don't owe another penny unless I go outside of the vast BCBS network. Because I'd already fulfilled my deductible requirement, I owe exactly nothing on all of these bills. I don't even owe the difference between what BCBS paid and the actual bill.

I've got awesome medical insurance and I didn't give one ounce of thought about could I afford to go to the doctor. But if I didn't have insurance, I'd have thought long and hard about going to the doctor. Close to $1,500 would have been a very difficult pill to swallow.

And I know that for a fact because there were a number of years, in the not so distant past, when I did not have insurance. I worked for myself and could not afford it. Plus, I had a pre-existing condition that either made it nearly impossible to get or grotesquely expensive. I didn't go to the doctor for preventative care and only went to the doctor when I was sick in dire emergencies, which meant almost never. When I had no insurance, no health care provider gave me discounts. I paid full retail value.

Let's contrast this with the recent experience of my friend Sarah. Sarah lives in Toronto, Canada, where she is fully covered with the universal health care that Canada offers. I know what you're thinking. You think Sarah waits six months to get into the doctor and has to appear before multiple death panels to determine whether she deserves treatment or not. That could not be further from the truth.

When I had pneumonia recently, by coincidence, Sarah had it too. I swear I didn't give it to her. Sarah called her doctor and got in on the same day. In addition, she was allowed to bring her entire family with her so they could receive flu shots. The doctor examined her, diagnosed her, gave her family flu shots, and set Sarah up with prescriptions to make her healthy again.

The only cost Sarah paid for all of this medical care was $84 which was the co-pay for her prescriptions.

$84. 

I pay more than $84 in health care premiums monthly in addition to the almost $200 per month I put into my Health Savings Account to cover my annual deductible. So annually, I spend close to $4,000 in out of pocket health care premiums and my deductible. This does not include my dental insurance or vision care.

Quality health care insurance changes lives. People are healthier because they receive preventative care.   Preventable diseases are prevented. Chronic diseases are treated at lower costs. They stop worrying about whether Sally's emergency appendectomy will bankrupt them. They have dignity.

It boggles my mind why we spend so much time and energy in the United States arguing about whether or not we should allow everyone to receive quality health care. Do we believe some people are less deserving than others? Who are we to decide that? And how do we decide where to draw that line about who is more deserving and who is less deserving?

Health care is not a luxury. It's not a "nice to have" or an "extra." It's also not an "entitlement" in the condescending, dignity stripping way we talk about entitlements in this country these days. Health care is a human right. Period.

The Affordable Health Care Act (aka Obamacare) isn't perfect. I'll admit that. It's also not the plan I wanted. I wanted Universal Health Care for everyone. For now, we've got the ACA and although it's not perfect, it allows millions and millions of people to get insurance and stop worrying about whether they'll go bankrupt from an unexpected medical procedure. I just wish people would give it a chance. And maybe, one day, the USA will join the rest of the developed world and provide Universal Health Care for everyone.

100 New Experiences: I'm Half Way Done!

As you know, I set a goal to have 100 new experiences between April 11, 2013 and April 10, 2014. I'm thrilled to share with you that over the weekend, I reached the six month mark and I've also completed 50 of my 100 new experiences. Yay for me! And yay for my incredible time management skills!

At the halfway mark, I can tell you that I've become more confident, less scared, less self-conscious, more adventurous, probably more fun, and I'm definitely thinking outside the box to push myself. I've even been told by a few people that my adventures have inspired them to step outside their comfort zones and try new things. That's the best compliment in the world.

Thank you Amy Guth for inspiring this incredible year of adventure and growth!

In case you were wondering, here's what I've done so far:

2. Vacation by myself and take care of only me. - DONE April 11 - 15, 2013 (Read the blog post) 

3. Vacation in Nashville - DONE April 11 - 15, 2013 (Read the blog post) 

4. Go on vacation and leave work 100% behind (i.e., don't check email or voice mail) - DONE April 11 - 15, 2013 (Read the blog post) 

5. Stand in the center of both the Grand Ole Opry and Ryman Auditorium stages - DONE April 12 and 14, 2013 (Read the blog post) 

6. Play Elvis's piano at the RCA Studio B - DONE August 12, 2013 (Read the blog post) 

7. Sit on the stage at the Civic Opera House during a performance - DONE June 16, 2013 with Christopher; saw The Second City Guide to the Opera 

8. Play with the beluga whales at the Shedd Acquarium - DONE May 18, 2013 

9. Take a cooking class - DONE May 21, 2013 at David's Bistro in Antioch 

11. Climb the main dune at Sleeping Bear Dunes - DONE August 17, 2013 with Dave 

12. Learn a new skill - DONE April 24, 2013 Learned how to make a floral centerpiece 

14. Max out my employer match for my 403(b) in 2013 - DONE Increased my contribution to max out the match May 2, 2013  

21. Take the ferry from Milwaukee to Muskegon - DONE August 16, 2013 & August 24, 2013  

40. Have High Tea at the Peninsula Hotel - DONE June 2, 2013 with Lisa and Kim 

44. Attend the Book of Mormon - DONE October 6, 2013 with Laurie  

48. See Oklahoma at the Civic Opera House - DONE May 3, 2013 

50. Pet the stingrays in the Stingray Touch exhibit at the Shedd Aquarium - DONE May 18, 2013 

51. Use my Passport - DONE July 6-7, 2013 with Christopher  

52. Sit in the 3rd row for the Joan Baez and Indigo Girls Concert at Ravinia - DONE June 9, 2013 (Thanks Jeff!) 

53. Have drinks at the Trump Tower Terrace Bar - DONE June 16, 2013 with Christopher 

54. Visit Niagara Falls - DONE July 6-7, 2013 with Christopher 

55. Make homemade Granola - DONE May 27, 2013 (Read the blog post) 

57. Kayak to Camp Lookout and all the way across Lower Herring Lake (from the southern most tip to the northern most tip)- DONE August 18, 2013 with Dave 

58. Kayak on Lake Michigan - DONE August 24, 2013 with Dave 

59. Kayak from Lower Herring Lake through the inlet to Upper Herring Lake - Attempted August 24, 2013 with Dave, but unable to complete because the Inlet was too shallow, the current was too strong in the opposite direction we were going, and there were trees blocking the Inlet; will not try again 

61. Have a reunion with my cousin Ginny (have not seen her since 1998) - DONE July 7, 2013 

62. Have a reunion with my friend Christy (have not seen her since 1984) - DONE July 21, 2013 

63. Have a reunion with my cousin Sharon (have not seen her since sometime in the 1990s) - DONE August 2, 2013 

65. Get my work email inbox to ZERO - DONE May 24, 2013 (Read the blog post) 

67. Attend the Randolph Street Market - DONE June 29, 2013 with Tony 

68. Have a booth at the Allstate Arena Flea Market - DONE August 11, 2013 with Christopher (I made $212 profit!)  

71. Have a reunion with my friend Kalee (haven't seen each other since the late 1990s) - DONE April 11 and 14, 2013 (Read the blog post) 

72. Meet Crystal Gayle - DONE April 12, 2013 (Read the blog post) 

81. Win a game of Words With Friends by more than 400 points - DONE August 19, 2013 (it was less satisfying when I learned I had just played a 10 year old) 

83. Visit South Manitou Island - DONE August 21, 2013 with my dad 

84. Have dinner at Lovell's of Lake Forest (DONE July 2, 2013 with my dad) and meet Captain Jim Lovell. 

85. Attend the First Presbyterian Church of Lake Forest Rummage Sale - DONE May 4, 2013 with Tony 

86. Use a Port-a-Potty - DONE May 4, 2013 

87. Teach two LinkedIn classes at work - DONE July 23 (LinkedIn 101: Building Your Profile) and August 7, 2013 (LinkedIn 201: Advanced LinkedIn) 

88. Take Amy Guth's Crane #693 on adventures - had cocktails at the Trump Tower Terrace Bar, sat on stage at the Civic Opera House, gone to Niagara Falls, rode the Ferry from Milwaukee to Muskegon, climbed Sleeping Bear Dunes, visited South Manitou Island, watched the Watervale sunset, Richardsons Adventure Farm, so far. 

91. Recover gracefully from a very embarrassing work faux pas - DONE August 2, 2013 (trust me, this will be a great blog post) 

92. Visit the Mars Cheese Castle - DONE August 24, 2013 

94. Visit the Shedd Aquarium - DONE May 18, 2013 

100. Complete a corn maze - DONE October 12, 2013 with Chris, Alan, Jen, Katie & Steve 

106. See the band Alabama in concert - DONE August 30, 2013 at Ravinia  

111. Invent a holiday - DONE September 19, 2013 International Stay In Bed and Read A Book Day 

112. Eat dirt - DONE September 23, 2013 (Don't ask how or why) 

113. Drive a Tesla - DONE October 9th, 2013 Thanks Bobby!! (Read the blog post.) 

114. Have pneumonia. DONE September 25th - October 6th, 2013. 

116. Play on a Jumping Pillow. - DONE October 12th with Chris, Katie, Steve, Alan, & Jen. 

117. Have a new experience that cannot be shared on Little Merry Sunshine. - DONE August 16, 2013

50 new experiences in 6 months. Damn. I'm good.

I also have another 14 new experiences scheduled or in progress now:

13. Increase by savings account by 2 months worth of expenses - In Progress 

15. Try 20 new foods: Pork (DONE May 2013), Milk (I've just never liked the tastes), Eggs (I ate them up until 6th grade home ec class) (DONE August 18, 2013), White Fish Pate (DONE August 16, 2013), Cabbage, Kale, & Leek Soup (DONE August 20, 2013), a 7-11 Slurpee (DONE July 11, 2013) (National Slurpee Day), Tim Horton's Donuts (DONE July 7, 2013), Chocolate Cheese Fudge (DONE August 24, 2013), 14 Year Aged Sharp Cheddar Cheese (DONE August 24, 2013), Cheese Curds, Poutine, Ethiopian Food

29. Reupholster my dining room chairs - In Progress 

37. Give up Diet Coke (and all soda) for 30 days - This re-starts November 1st! 

38. Drink a minimum of 64 oz of water each day for 30 days - This re-starts November 1st! 

56. Visit the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library & Museum in Springfield, IL - Scheduled November 2013 

69. Open and stock an Etsy store. My store name is Vintage Frances. Look for it by December 1, 2013. 

73. Make at least three new friends - In Progress (2 new friends made) 

74. Attend the Chicago Architecture Foundation's Open House Chicago - Will be done October 19-20, 2013 

76. Host a Navy sailor from Great Lakes for Thanksgiving - Will apply October 2013 

82. Fly a kite - Attempted August 23, 2013, but failed (will try again) 

95. Create an awesome list of new experiences for April 11, 2014 through April 10, 2015 (started the  list August 25, 2013) - In Progress 

97. Complete Hike Lake County with my friends Jen and Alan (see August 12, 2012 blog post; we did not do it last year; best intentions, blah blah blah) - Scheduled August 15 - November 30, 2013 (Hike 1 done 9/8/13 at Independence Grove; Hikes 2 & 3 done 10/14/2013 at Old School Forest Preserve)

108. Take a glass blowing class - Scheduled for November 3rd with Marci

I'm feeling pretty confident that I'll make 100 new experiences before the year is up. Are there any experiences you want to join me in? Just let me know. Life is more fun when it's shared with friends. If you've got ideas for additional new experiences I should have, I'd love your ideas.