LMS was my effort to celebrate the good in life because I felt like I was living in a world where I was constantly barraged with negativity and I wanted a place where I could revel in what made me happy and inspired me.
I'll admit I didn't always achieve my goal. Sometimes I've been sarcastic and snippy. I hope I've never been mean. I deviated from my stated mission to talk politics, although frankly, the campaign of 2008 inspired me in more ways than I can probably verbalize now.
LMS has, at times, been my own personal journal. The irony there is that I stopped writing a journal when my journals were subpoenaed in 1992. Seriously. So it's a little bit ironic that this incredibly public blog has sometimes been a journal to me. That said, I've never shared anything too personal. That stuff says inside me.
Somewhere along the way, I lost my drive to write my blog. But that doesn't fully explain it though. What I lost was my belief that focussing on all the good and inspirational would make the world better.
Maybe you've noticed, but I've been sad. I've been so incredibly sad. So much has happened the past few months that I can't talk about on LMS and it's broken my heart more than I thought it could ever be broken. And the thought of writing LMS was too overwhelming because, frankly, I simply didn't have anything to say that could be said publicly, much less out loud.
So I killed Little Merry Sunshine. I thought it was the right thing to do at the time. Now, I'm not so sure. I don't know if I can start writing this blog again or if its time is simply gone.
But five years ago today, I started Little Merry Sunshine and it's gotten me through some really dark times. So I figured that, at least, deserved some acknowledgement.
I'm a political junkie... It started when I was 16, and I was going to school w/ a Congressman's niece during the 1992 POTUS election. I was for Bill, in a school dominated by 100 Young Republicans to 5 Young Democrats. I was one of the five.
ReplyDeleteAs I got married, I didn't so much run away from politics as I did try to make a marriage, that never was going to, work. I drove up to Ohio and was the technology manager in the state headquarters in 2004 for Kerry / Edwards. From there, I realized I needed to leave a bad home situation and I did.. and ran into politics.
I started a blog on MySpace, shortly after I got back - it's focus swung mostly to the political BS I was encountering and my views, but also the personal. When I had to put my MySpace account on private, on account of prying eyes, due to the man I am involved with, there seemed little point. I still blogged, but it just wasn't the same. It's not that I wrote for an audience - I somewhat did, but it's also more that my ideas and thoughts that I wanted to go out publicly never could. I tried with a WordPress blog, but that didn't work...
Then, my life got topsy turvy and my heart broke much the same yours has over the past few years. I don't know what you're going through, and I won't even attempt to make an assumption. But, in the past few months, I've found my voice again... Largely as a result of losing a job that I loved, because most women compete with me and don't like me, and I was bad mouthed, when I was out of town working on behalf of the organization by a co-worker...
So, I stopped and thought about it - and realized I had just enough connections to really pursue politics in a career aspect - not as a candidate, but in other ways - and my talents kind of lend themselves to that, and I'm lucky that I live in a city that has off year elections. Also, the economy pretty much made it the only step I could take, but that's a discussion about Republicans and the economy that we can have later...
I don't know what you're going through... I don't keep a journal. Initially my tumblr was more private thoughts... lately, it's more political with a smidge of private and I like it a lot better. It gives me freedom and, I feel like I'm finding my footing in this world. Don't write for us - write for yourself... and even if you've been sad, maybe it helps to post something and get *hugs* in return. You'll find your footing again, but blogs are a LOT of work...
Like I said, I don't know what you've been going through... and if you ever need anyone to talk things out with, I'm more than willing to listen... (I'm great at it) catch me on Facebook and I can give you my number there.
I hope that you will pull through this, and I have faith that you will... If you haven't, please get back into the gym to go swimming and start wearing yourself out there? Until then, take care of yourself... You're an awesome person. I have faith in that.
Sounds to me like you're sad, angry, and half-glass full. Time to take a good look inside, take stock, not be so self-centered, and get your big girl pants on. Just sayin'. Been there, done that.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that you have had some hard days, my friend. Your blog was always a great place to visit and I must say I lit up when I saw this in my reader just now!
ReplyDeleteIf you are sad, you are sad - and angry and whatever else you are. I hope that whatever it is passes soon; please know I send you my every good thought and wish.
You know how to find me if you want to write/tweet/talk, OK? Hang in there.
As for perspective Helps above, I am inclined to say something mean, but he/she has already done that. Only I want to say it to them, not you.