Thursday, November 12, 2009

Four Months. I've Made It 4 Months.

I know that I said I would be taking a short hiatus, but two things happened earlier today that necessitated some blogging. One I'll write about next week. The other I'm writing about now.

I realized as I was getting dressed this morning and I was feeling a bit cranky and tired (a winning combination, to be sure) that maybe I was feeling so sensitive because Nana passed away four months ago today and I'm starting to prepare for the holidays and I miss her so much.

I had this realization as I was thinking that I should pick up the phone and call her today to discuss Christmas plans and fruitcake. Except I can't. And then I got really sad. But my day was too busy to feel my sadness until right now. So now I feel it and there's a part of me that wishes I could just put it back in the bottle I keep it so well confined to.

But the good news is that I've made it through four months. I didn't know how I would make it four days at the beginning. Most days I only acknowledge that I miss her and don't feel intense the intense sadness I feel at this moment. And that's a huge victory over a month ago. I even laugh again.

The sadness will pass soon and I'll be fine again. Thanksgiving and Christmas won't be the same this year, but I'll enjoy being with my family and knowing that Nana is with us in spirit.

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