Let's Talk About Sext, Baby . . .

The other morning, I walked out of a very early morning meeting and picked up my cell phone to make a call. To my surprise, I had about 5 or 6 text messages from my friend Sam (all names have been changed to protect the guilty). It's not that it's unusual to receive texts from Sam; in fact, we text all the time. But this was 5 or 6 messages and it was barely 9am. Surely there was something urgent happening.

Much to my surprise, the messages were neither urgent nor of the G-rated variety we usually send each other. Below is a partial transcript and my thoughts in italics.

Sam: Morning Sexy! (Well, isn't this a nice treat. No one has called me sexy in a LONG time. This is going to be a good day after all.)
Sam: Thank you so much for last night. I can't remember the last time I felt so close to you. (Hmmmmm. We talked last night, but I think it was about some play we both want to see.)
Sam: I called Walter and he's game for getting together Friday night. (AWESOME! I haven't seen Walter in ages, but we didn't talk about getting together on Friday night and I've got some big Saturday plans so it can't be a late night.)
Sam: He said he can't wait to be with us. He's had the same threesome fantasy about us for years. (What the Hell? We've NEVER talked about having a threesome because neither you nor Walter like girls! Oh, shit! These aren't texts! You are SEXTING me, but you think you're sexting your boyfriend! How can I have fun with this???)

So I immediately called Sam who had yet to realize the error of his ways. I told him how much I enjoyed our conversation the prior evening and how I'd never felt closer to him. I really appreciated that I can always count on him to be one of my dearest friends and had been thinking that we should get together on Friday for a threesome.

There was silence on the other end of the phone, followed by a great deal of stuttering. Although I was at the other end of the phone line in Arlington Heights and he was in Chicago, I could feel the heat radiating from his now bright red cheeks. He knew I knew some of his most intimate secrets. Fortunately, Sam doesn't really embarrass very easily and we both had a good laugh.

But there's an important life lesson here: Always always always make sure that when you're sending intimate text messages that you send them to the right person.

Sending flirty sexy messages is fun and can add some spice to a relationship, but you must be careful. Sexting your boss (or your employee) when you mean to sext your girlfriend could get you fired. Sexting your kid when you mean to sext your hubby could force a miserably uncomfortable conversation.

Apologies to Salt N Pepa for my horrible pun using the title of their popular song.