I stood in line and had a one-on-one chat with Santa.
I should have known things weren't going to go well for me. The signs were everywhere. Notice that Chris and Tony are on the list, but my name is missing.
No matter what the List said, I had a few things to discuss with Santa.
First, I asked about the Easy Bake Oven he promised me when I was 5. His reply was that now we cook with microwaves and why in the world would I want an oven that runs on a lightbulb. Not the point, old man.
Second, I asked about the Man I asked for in 2007. He acted like he wasn't familiar with my written request. I really should have brought my letter, but I forgot it. I swear to you, he must be getting senile.
After we took some pictures, I got down to my real business. I explained how good I've been all year and when he asked me what I wanted for Christmas, I had no problem telling him.
1. A job promotion;
2. A salary increase to match the promotion;
3. A husband;
4. A man for Chris (but not the one who will be my husband);
5. The Easy Bake Oven I have waited 37 years for; and
6. A pony.
He told me he couldn't help me with items 1 through 4, but he could bring me a My Little Pony or a unicorn. And then he gave me a button.
So what Santa basically told me was that I have a better chance getting a mythological horse with a horn sticking out of its forehead than a husband. Awesome.
Although the chat didn't go exactly as I'd imagined, I'm glad I had a chance to visit with Santa.
My favorite part of the whole visit came when I was flipping through the pictures later last night and realized that the picture above looks almost identical to the picture of Santa and me when I was four and he showed up at my Christmas party. I sat on his lap and counted off my Christmas Wish List on my fingers, after walking right up to him and declaring, "Welcome Santa! I just want to shake your hand!" Yep, I was a little precocious. I'll have to get the pic from my mom's and then you'll be able to see how 38 years later, not much has changed in my life.