Monday, March 9, 2009

You Wish You Were As Loved As I Am, But You're Not

I am the luckiest woman in the world. And clearly I'm also the most loved woman in the world. Some people used to think Princess Diana was the most beloved woman in the world, but she clearly ranks somewhere below me. Michelle Obama is also enormously popular and beloved, but again, not nearly to the degree I am.

How do I know this? Well, first, in December, you'll recall that Mrs. Theresa Brown from the Netherlands gave me $8.6 million! Then, just last week, Bollywood came calling!

Look at the wonderful email that arrived today . . .
Greetings To You.

I have a proposal for you however is not mandatory nor will I in any manner compel you to honor against your will. I have to introduce myself first, my name is Dr.Anthony Hobson a banker, working with one of the leading banks in United Kingdom.

In this bank existed a dormant account for the past two years, which belong to a Syria national who works with London Mining Plc but he is now late. When we discovered that there had been neither deposits nor withdrawls from this account for some time I decided to carry out a system investigation and discovered that none of the family member or relations of the owner is aware of this account. That is the story in a nutshell. Now I want an account overseas where I can transfer these funds and come over to meet with you for investment in your country. Thereafter, I had planned to destroy all related documents for this account. It is a careful network and for the past three months I have worked everything out to ensure a hitch-free operation. The amount at the moment, plus all the accumulated interest in this account stands at £15,000,000 (Fifteen Million Pounds Sterling GBP).

Now our questions are: 1. Can you handle this project? 2. Can I give you this trust? 3. What will be your commission? Consider this and get back to me as soon as possible.

Finally, it is my humble prayer that the information as contained here in is accorded the attention, urgency as well as secrecy it deserves. I hope my message did not come as an embarrassment to you? But if it does please kindly accept my apologies and if you are interested to proceed with me kindly send me your names and mobile number for further discussion. Thanks in anticipation.

Respectfully yours,
Dr.Anthony Hobson.
How in the world could this kind man think I would be offended or embarrassed by his desire to give me $15,000,000 pounds? I don't know what the exchange rate into dollars is today, but I'm sure it's okay. What will I take in commission? 100% of course. Does Dr. Hobson think I'm some sort of sucker?

Why do so many people I've never heard of keep wanting to bestow their riches (or someone else's) on me? I don't have the answer to this either, but it doesn't really matter.

The only question that remains is what in the world will I do with all this money and fame I keep receiving? Should I blow it all on some Jimmy Choo shoes, Louis Vuitton bags, a few Hermes Birkin bags, Dior, and Burberry? Nah. That's not like me at all. I mean, I'd use a little on some luxuries for me and take some fun trips, but I'd rather donate a boat load of money to Lake Forest College, feed the poor, help rebuild New Orleans, ensure my family is taken care of for generations, and share a little with my friends.

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