Thursday, July 3, 2008

One Night Only!

While most people are prepping for the fireweorks, claiming dibs for the Arlington Heights parade route tomorrow, or delighting with anticipation over seeing the Little River Band, I will be at Arlington Park with Tim and Tony cheering Long John to victory in the Midwest Daschund Races.

It's going to be an exciting night, to say the least. Check out the press release from Morgan Terrace last week.

And, of course, you're all invited to join the excitment.

Long John Strives for Top Dog Status
Come out and cheer Team Long John to Victory!

West Loop, Chicago - June 28, 2008 - Weighing in at 10.5 pounds, and at 11 years old, classifying for a prime position in the Senior Sausage age category, Long John Dornacher will hit the speedway for top dog prize at next week's MidWest Dachshund Races. The races are on Thursday, July 3 at Arlington Park Race Track, beginning at 7 p.m.

"We really hope that he'll cut the mustard and more than ketchup with the crowd, but set the pace," said Team Long John manager, Anthony Dornacher.

Long John has been training, doing morning laps around the block in the West Loop.

"Now that Oprah is on summer hiatus, we don't have a gaggle of Oprah fans lining up to see the show. Their 'Ooing' and 'Ahhing' and 'Is that one of those wiener dogs?'-cooing just offered up a distraction," observed his coach, Timothy State.

Manager Anthony Dornacher is concerned about the fragility of Long John's aging spine. To counteract any discomfort, State has been icing the arch of his back, giving daily massages, and providing him fish oil capsules for lubrication.

"Everything's moving faster, and I suspect he's going to do well." said State. "I mean, this dog is all rib cage and abs, suspended under one supple spine, his bottle nose breaking the wind. I dare any Oprah fan to try to catch him. Sans their gold lamé heels."

Long John Overcomes Adversity

CUE: Jim McKay 'Wide World of Sports' Sympathy Music

Jim McKay: Having recently lost his lifetime companion, Sheleata Kanatuna, to a dreadful cancer known as feline fiber sarcoma, Long John succumbed to a downward spiral of doom -- depression. For weeks on end, he failed to get out of bed.

In March, he hit rock bottom, incessantly licking his paws while longing in the bed all day.

It was during this period that Manager Dornacher left town for for a business trip with his new job. For two weeks, he was in Macon, Georgia, with parachuting Elvi (the plural of Elvis) and Miss Georgia, where Dornacher grand opened an upscale shopping center. Irony aside, Long John was left at home to care for State.

When State forgot to eat, Long John was forced to take charge. With vivacious energy, Long John circled the block. He ran freely, ears flapping in the breeze. A liveliness not seen since before the days of Sheleata Kanatuna's sudden demise.

They say that the body heals through motion. They say that the body heals the mind. And so, through motion, he healed his mind, and his depression. Long John, he runs. He runs like the wind. To be free again.

But he had such a long way to go, to make it to the border of Mexico. So he runs like the wind.

And then injury.

While Manager Dornacher was schmoozing Georgian Beauty Queens, Long John's rear right foot was consumed by the building's entry door in a tragic morning walk accident. What was left was skin, flapping in the breeze. In a role reversal, State scooped up the hobbling wiener, whisking him away to the emergency vet where a team of medial experts patched his foot back together, ironically, by applying glue to his hoof.

CUE: Jim McKay 'Wide World of Sports' Rebound Music

Jim McKay: Long John worked through his inner depression through taking to the streets.

His hoof now healed, he's back, and he's stronger than ever. Next week, will he take the title in the Senior Sausage category? Will he achieve a dream only Sheleata could have hoped for?

# # #
About MidWest Dachshund Races
Arlington Park Race Track - Thursday, July 3 - Races start at 7 p.m.


  1. Little River Band gives a great concert!

    I can't believe Long John is actually racing. I just about pissed my pants from laughter. But good luck, little doggie!

    I am taking Boxer home to Meet The Family (tm). Poor guy.....

  2. GG,

    Good luck with Meeting the Family (tm). That is quite brave of you (and Boxer), but I'm sure they'll love him. Of course, if your family is anything like mine (and I pray for your sake it's not!), then them liking my man is not really what I'd be concerned about! I'd be more concerned that my man would meet my family and run for the hills!

    I was going to be serving beer at the LRB concert tonight, but then Tim told me about the Long John's race and truthfully it's just not so often that Tim and Tony come to AH, so I bagged the beer tent and Little River Band.

    Did you see the press release that was issued? If not, check it out on Morgan Terrace. It's complete with pictures! But I'd have a pair of dry pants . . . just in case!

    Have a great weekend!



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