Leaving the world a little better than I found it by sharing my passions and dreams, what inspires me,
and maybe you too, and furthering the discussion about how we can listen to our better angels.
Something happened a few days ago and I didn't quite handle it the way I wish I would have. It wasn't a big deal, but later, there were a few things I wish I'd said. Frankly, I don't have regrets in life, for the most part, but there are times I wish I'd really said what I was feeling rather than biting my tongue because I was afraid to speak my mind and heart.
In no particular order, the list below represents most of what I wish I'd said at various points in my life, but now it's too late. The moment has passed or it no longer matters or I'm still not brave enough to say them to the people I should have said them to. If you think one or more of these are things I started to say to you at some point, you may be right, but you may also be wrong. If you ask me directly, I'll tell you . . . probably.
Yes.
No.
I'm sorry.
I'm proud of you.
I need a break.
I miss you.
I forgive you.
You broke my heart.
I wish you hadn't lied to me.
Stop.
We can work it out.
Let's fix this.
I'll figure it out.
Please help me.
I'm going to stay in DC.
I have to take care of me.
I think you made the wrong decision.
I made a mistake.
Don't go.
It really will be okay.
No, it's not okay.
I'm leaving.
Thank you.
I'm scared.
You can't talk to me that way.
Please leave.
I'm not strong enough to do this alone.
Stay.
Pick me.
What can I do?
How can I fix this?
Actually, it was you. Not me.
Sorry, I'm out of your league.
Our friendship is worth more to me than a guy.
I can't even remember why we fought.
You were right and I was wrong.
You are a Mean Girl.
I deserve better.
No, you don't speak for me.
I shouldn't have walked away.
No, I'm not sorry.
That's offensive.
And finally, the last thing I should have said, but didn't . . . . I love you.
Dr. Jill Van Newenhizen and me at my Lake Forest College graduation, May 8, 1993.
I've been thinking about great teachers for a few weeks. I've been thinking about them since Jaime Escalante died at the end of March. In case you don't remember him, he's the real-life teacher from the classic 1988 movie "Stand and Deliver," which told the story of how he turned around failing calculus students at Garfield High School in east Los Angeles. He gave those kids a future. That's what great teachers do.
I'm sure we've all had teachers who inspired us to be better, who believed in us when no one else did, who took us under their wing, or who made us stretch beyond our wildest possibilities. Maybe they gave us a second chance even though we didn't deserve it. Maybe they worked extra long hours to help us overcome learning challenges or planning lessons to keep the smarter kids in class from getting bored. Maybe they knew we had challenges at home and did everything in their power and then some to make school our safe haven.
I had many amazing teachers throughout the years, but one in particular stands out for me.
I took Calculus in high school, but struggled greatly. One of my strongest memories of Calculus in high school was the teacher walking to the front of the room one morning and starting his lesson by saying, "this is a concept the girls might not get." Uh huh. Guess what? I couldn't get it.
Not one to concede defeat, I took Calculus again when I got to college and was fortunate enough to have Dr. J. Keep in mind that I was a psychology major and I didn't need Calculus to graduate. I took it for fun. Yes, fun.
Right away, I knew I was in the right place and would get it this time. Dr. J. made it clear that her goal was for her students to learn the material and she was always available for extra help. She had generous office hours, even keeping evening office hours in a dorm, where I was a regular. Many nights, I'd arrive to find Dr. J. in the lounge waiting on students and watching opera. There we'd sit doing Calculus and listening to opera. Not only did I learn the material and earn a respectable grade both semesters, but I also fell in love with opera, and decided to further challenge myself by taking Multi-Variable Calculus the next year (unfortunately with another professor).
Dr. J. pushed me hard to be the best I could be in her class. I wasn't an A student, but I knew that I'd gone over, around, below and through to do the best I could do, not just for her, but for me. She taught us not only about important mathematical concepts, but also taught us about how math relates to our lives. Maybe you've heard of a guy named Euclid and another guy named Daniel Burnham? She loved to talk about how Burnham's Plan of Chicago relied Euclid's Elements. She even had us write papers.
To say I didn't do very well in Multi-Variable Calculus would be an understatement. I failed the class. Who was in my corner helping me appeal to my professor to let me retake the final? Dr. J. I lost the appeal, but with her help, learned a much more valuable lesson. After losing my job as a resident assistant because of the F, she helped me see taking risks and falling flat was part of life, but what spoke louder than failure was how I got back up. I'm not sure how I would use Multi-Variable Calculus now, but I know that no matter what path I go down and no matter how it turns out, I will always be okay.
In June 1992, when my mom tried to kill herself, Dr. J. was one of the professors who reached out to me and let me know she was there if I needed anything. That fall, when I was studying in Chicago as part of the Urban Studies Program, we attended the opera together. When I moved to Washington after graduation, we spent a lovely day exploring Freer Gallery of Art and Sackler Gallery and then capped off the evening with a fabulous dinner in DuPont Circle. In the seven years I was in DC, that was one of my most favorite days.
Almost 20 years later, she has gone from being Dr. J., my professor, to being Jill, my friend. I love knowing that whenever we get together, it's like it was just yesterday when we last saw each other, even if it's been a few months or longer. And I look back on my days spent sitting in her classroom as some of my best at Lake Forest College.
Nana outside Crystal Beach Community Church. I'm not sure which family member of mine took this picture, but it's one of my favorites.
I can't believe it's once again time for the monthly luncheon of the Professional Women's Council! The months are flying by so quickly.
This month, we have assembled a panel of Chamber members who are experts in the field of elder care. I'll concede that this isn't the sexiest topic in the world, but the fact is that with more Baby Boomers turning 65 each day, each of us is either already caring for an elderly parent or grandparent or soon will. And, of course, we need to be preparing for our own Golden Years.
Personally, the topic of elder care is very near and dear to my heart. I have learned more in the 9 months since Nana passed away about the array of services that were available to us than I ever knew existed during the entire 7 1/2 years mom cared for her. If only we had known then what I know now, life would have been so much easier.
Knowing in advance what services are available to assist you during what can be (always is?) a very stressful time and advance planning can relieve stress, save money (an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure) and allow us to focus on what's important: caring for and spending time with our loved ones, while also living our own lives.
I hope you'll join the Professional Women's Council tomorrow, Wednesday, April 21st at the Arlington Heights Senior Center for our Elder Care Panel. And bring your questions.
Elder Care Panel: Learn About the Services Available to Keep You Successful While Caring for an Elderly Relative Click here to register Wednesday, April 21st 11:30am - 1:30pm
Held at the Arlington Heights Senior Center 1801 W. Central Rd., Arlington Heights, 60005
For information, contact Mary Beisemann at 847-253-1703 $10 for PWC members; $25 for non-PWC members or non-Chamber members
Join us to learn about the services available for you and your loved ones as you navigate the aging process. Bring your questions about financial planning, Medicaid, when to obtain help, the different kinds of assistance available.
I love this story so much. I love that it started with a kid questioning what he was taught in school. I love that no one told him "that's a dumb idea." I love that it's outside the box. I love that in questioning what he learned in school, Jack Gabriel wanted to do something to help someone else. It didn't raise a ton of money, as we all know, a little does a lot. I love that the community came out to support this wonderful cause.
An inscription on a child's bookmark triggered a grass-roots fundraiser Sunday in Arlington Heights that drew nearly 100 people, raised more than $1,000, and put a renewed emphasis on the power of pennies.
Jack Gabriel, a sixth grade student at South Middle School in Arlington Heights, set the event in motion when he questioned whether pennies laid side by side for one mile would add up to $844.80.
"I thought that was amazing, and I wondered if it was true," says Jack, 11.
With that, he and his family decided to test it out. They designed the effort as a fundraiser for the education fund benefiting Bridgit and Pierce Finnerty of Arlington Heights, who survived a fire last year that took the lives of their parents and brother.
An initial e-mail blast to 40 neighbors and friends launched the effort, and then it quickly spread by word-of-mouth. Almost immediately, Gabriel family members say, donations of pennies began to pour in.
They came in plastic bags from children of all ages, as well as larger amounts from Arlington Heights merchants. They also drew donations, including one $100 anonymous donation and multiple checks that came in as late as Sunday.
The problem, according to Jack's mother, Kathleen Gabriel, was converting the money into pennies. Over the last few weeks, Gabriel said she approached every bank in Arlington Heights and then hit up those in surrounding suburbs, as far as Glenview, in search of more pennies.
She relates how tellers at Citibank in Arlington Heights generously donated $50 to the campaign, but when she asked them to convert them into pennies, they declined.
"We're out," they told Gabriel.
When families arrived Sunday, they found a wheelbarrow filled with thousands of pennies.
"This must be a world record or something," declared Caroline Ayala, 6, of Arlington Heights, as she dug into the pennies as if they were sand particles.
Children and adults worked together, each one taking a bag filled with 100 pennies and working to place them end to end along the chalk outline, stretched over the mile course laid out around the Recreation Park neighborhood in Arlington Heights.
"I feel like I'm working on a railway, laying down track piece by piece," said Max Barson, 12, of Arlington Heights.
He worked beside one of his classmates, Nick Fowler of Arlington Heights, who agreed, adding that the effort was a first for him.
"It's kind of cool," Fowler said. "You usually don't think that pennies are worth very much."
That was just the point, Kathleen Gabriel said.
"There's no such thing as a worthless penny," she told the crowd. "There's no amount too small to make a difference."
In the end, the so-called "worthwhile mile" took nearly two hours to lay, another 1½ hours to pick up, and drew more than $1,000 in donations. People still interested in contributing, may submit a check to the Finnerty Family Fund, care of Village Bank & Trust, 234 W. Northwest Highway, Arlington Heights, IL 60005.
I think they did a pretty good job (although I don't think I've ever seen anyone rowboating - I'm just saying), but missed most of the highlights about what makes Watervale so amazing for me.
When you're at Watervale, you can enjoy:
bike riding (bring your bikes);
hiking for every fitness level through beautiful woods, up Baldy and BooHoo, and along the beach;
swimming in Lower Herring Lake (small lake without undertow or waves - great for kids) or Lake Michigan;
kayaking (you can rent kayaks or bring your own);
sailing (you can rent sailboats or bring your own);
beautiful sunsets you won't even see in Hawaii (yes, I've been to Hawaii and I believe Watervale sunsets are far superior);
playing in the sand dunes;
reading (I typically go through 6-7 books in a week, but if you have kids you probably won't);
tennis (bring your rackets and tennis balls);
shuffle board;
volleyball;
Bingo (on Thursdays, if I remember correctly);
Hayrides (on Wednesdays after the BBQ);
card games (there's almost always a game of Hearts or Pinochle going on in the Inn);
board games (my family has an annual Trivial Pursuit tournament - guess who has the most trivial knowledge?);
peace and quiet (There are no TVs, no WiFi, and only 1 landline phone in the entire resort. You can certainly bring your cell phone, but you'll probably have poor reception.);
some of the best star gazing and meteor shower watching (if you're there in early August, you can't help but see the Perseid Meteor Showers) anywhere (there's no need for a telescope, but if you have one, it will only enhance your experience);
actual darkness at night because of the lack of city lights;
naps; and
a few other things, but this is a family blog, so I'll stop now.
To be honest, there is no need to leave Watervale, but if you must, here are some of my other favorite things to do:
Let me just state upfront that I know that when Dave gets wind of this post (which may take a little while because despite having been the 8th fan of Little Merry Sunshine on Facebook, he does not actually read Little Merry Sunshine with any regularity), he will probably kill me, but this story is just too good not to share. It's even possible that it's better than the famous Herpes Story (which I've now brought up twice in two days).
When Dave was little (3 years old or so to . . . ), he was obsessed with Superman. In fact, obsessed may well be an understatement. Dave pretty much thought he was Superman. He loved to dress up as Superman and even stole my blue tights and red boots I'd outgrown to wear with his Superman Underroos. Plus, our mom, who was a terrific seamstress (a talent she learned from Nana), sewed him the perfect Superman cape. Believe me, this was no made-in-China-falls-apart-after-2-wearings cape. This cape is still around and in good shape 30 years later. I could tell you where it is, but I would never give away Superman's secrets. Where did Dave go to become Superman, you wonder? Like you have to ask. Of course, he went into his "phone booth" formerly known as Dave's bedroom closet. Yes, it had a sign designating it as his phone booth.
Dave ran around the house and neighborhood in full Superman costume anytime he could. In fact, he usually wore part of his costume under real clothes. He simply loved being Superman.
One day when Dave was in pre-school, our mom received a phone call from the teacher to discuss Dave's behavior in class. It seems that day had been a Show and Tell day. When it was his turn, Dave got up appearing to have nothing to show his class. The teachers were at the back of the room, possibly only half paying attention, when all the sudden they heard him announce that he needed to undress to show the class what he'd brought for Show and Tell. In a panic, worried that he was about to disrobe, they flew to the front of the room to prevent him from stripping. Calmly, and unaware of what they were obviously thinking, Dave simply informed them and his class that he just wanted to let everyone know he was Superman (so I guess he had their backs?) and prove it by showing off the Superman costume that he was wearing in its entirety under his street clothes (a la Clark Kent?). Unconvinced, they did not allow him to show off his alter-ego.
I wish I could show you pictures of Dave in costume, but I don't have any pictures that are scanned. Believe me, if I had them, I'd post them. They're that good.
I tell you this story because yesterday, there was a feature on Huffington Post titled "Punished for Being Awesome? The Most Ridiculous Detention Slips of All Time" and it was complete with pictures. Offenses ranged from a student correcting a teacher's error in front of the class to a student receiving oral sex from another student. Yes, really. My favorite, however, was the detention slip pictured below. I honestly have to believe it may have been written for Dave about 30 years too late. What kind of teacher gives Superman a detention, anyway?
Are you old enough to remember Art Linkletter's House Party and the segment "Kids Say the Darndest Things"? Somehow, just letting kids be kids, they said the absolute funniest things. Although I never saw it as a kid (I'm not that old), my mom had a book of the same name and to this day, I love to sit down with it and have a great chuckle. If you've never seen Art's terrific show, I hope you'll enjoy this tribute video. (ignore the clock at the beginning)
My absolute favorite was the little girl who described her perfect man (who was a mix of a sugar daddy who let her have 22 kids and never put up a fight) and then said she wanted to be a nun when she grew up.
The fact is that this never changes. 50 years later, kids simply say the darndest and funniest things when we give them the chance.
Today I found a wonderful collection of kid-isms that I am confident you'll enjoy. Do your kids say wonderfully funny things? Feel free to share them in the comments.
Sometimes shocking, at times embarrassing and almost always hilarious, we're never quite sure what's going to come out of our kids' mouths. ParentDish asked parents who contribute to Seed.com, AOL's Web site for freelance writers and photographers, to share the best sound bites they've heard from the younger generation.
Here are some of the howlers.
Debby Hall:
1. "My Daddy has to have a hysterectomy." (He was having hemmorhoid surgery.)
2. "Boys have a penis and girls have a china."
3. "When I die, I want to live with Jesus in his apartment."
4. "My teacher is old. She's the same as you."
5. "I love Gammy because she smells like the old days."
6. "My mom has striped hair." (Her mother has a weave in her hair.)
7. "I can have two childs because I have two testicles"
8. " Mommy, did you know that your underwear won't flush down the toilet?"
9. "When it gets dark it's because God turned out the lights so he could sleep"
10. "I like those lines on your face."
Kelsey G. Price:
1. "Mommy, Daddy's boss is a moron! That's what Daddy said!"
2. "Hello, 911? Hi, cop lady!"
3. "The teacher said I have listening problems, but I think she has problems teaching."
4. "Can I have this toy? It only costs five easy payments of $39.95."
5. "My baby sister ate my homework. She ate tomorrow's homework too."
6. "Mommy, please get off the phone, and wipe my butt!"
7. "I just wanted to see how much toilet paper would actually fit in the toilet."
8. "Hey, Dad, can you help me with my advanced mathematical scientific equations worksheet?" (This is for fifth grade?)
9. "Can I borrow the car tonight? I promise I won't hit anybody. Again."
10. "How does Santa Claus fit through the chimney? He's too fat!"
Suzanne Chalma Olive Hansen:
1. "Nana, I smell something ... I (leaning closer) think it's you."
2. "Mom, what happened to Bridget's penis? Did you leave it in your tummy?"
3. "Mommy, can I push the button on your butt?"
4. "At Sunday school I learned that God named all the animals and you know what? He got them all right!"
5. "Mom, I can't go to school today, I have the hiccups. And if I go to school with the hiccups, then all my friends will get the hiccups!
6. "Mama, how many times do I have to tell you that it's not my fault if I don't learn anything? It's the school's problem if they're not going to teach me anything!"
7. "Mom, if you let me watch TV, I will give you 10,000 bucks and a million kisses. I will EVEN give you 4,010 million hugs too, and I will tell you some jokes. How about that?"
8. "Oh, it is not human, Mom, it is a bird!" (After being told it's humid outside.)
Kelly Brooks-Bay:
1. "You are not the Easter Bunny because you smell funny and I can see your real hair coming out of your bunny head."
2. "Mommy, if those trees are naked, how come I can't see their butts."
3. "Everything is for sale, even my mom if the price is right, that is what daddy said."
4. "My face is ruined. How will I ever be chosen for American Idol? Simon will think I am hideous." (After a tiny scratch on her face.)
5. "Could I bleed to death?" (from a little girl being told about menstrual cycles.)
6. "You should always give someone a compliment, especially your teacher, even if it's a lie and she is really the wicked witch."
7. "Mom, I am feeding the bushes -- like Daddy did last night." (You can imagine what she was doing.)
8. "You can get away with the best stuff when we have a substitute teacher."
9. "Do you think my mom would notice if I packed up my twin brothers and sent them to China?"
10. "I can always tell when my teacher is mad. She gets real loud, turns red and doesn't blink."
Karyn Howard:
1. "You don't look anything like Commander Rabb on JAG. My mommy says he's hot." (Said to a gentleman in the Navy wearing his dress blues.)
2. "Wow, Grandma, my mommy said if your butt gets any bigger, you will have to put a wide load sign on it"
3. "Oh, yit!"
4. "Boy, your house smells funny. You should buy some air fresheners."
5. "My baby brother has a tiny wiggle. Mine is medium, but you should see my dad's. It's ginormous!"
6. "Can we say a prayer for my mommy? She couldn't come to church today because she had a operation so she won't have any more babies."
7. "I didn't know ladies could have a mustache. Cool!"
8. "Excuse me sir, when you toot, you are supposed to say excuse, and it's gross to do it in my face."
9. "Can you send help? My baby brother is choking, and my mommy is beating on him." (to a 911 dispatcher.)
Therefore, effective immediately, Little Merry Sunshine's Public Appearance and Speaking Policy has been revised.
Transportation: Little Merry Sunshine only travels via first-class commercial jumbo jet or private plane. When traveling first-class, four round-trip, side-by-side first-class tickets must be purchased. One for Little Merry Sunshine, one for her security guard, and one each for Betsey and Ross. They do not travel under the seat or in the belly of a plane. Obviously, you will be responsible for any luggage fees for both checked and carry-on baggage or other incidentals (e.g., tips, etc.). Additionally, Little Merry Sunshine requires four additional coach class tickets for her hair stylist and massage therapist and any additional traveling companions (read: groupies).
When traveling via private plane, Little Merry Sunshine insists on flying only Lear 60 planes (or larger) or Hawker 800 planes (or larger).
Little Merry Sunshine must insist on having only single, sexy, shirtless, male pilots and flight attendants on both private planes and commercial flights. She is certain there is a safety reason for this, although it escapes her at the moment.
Ground transportation will be provided via black SUVs with tinted windows. Little Merry Sunshine does not want the riff-raff to be able to see her. Again, the driver must by single, sexy, shirtless, and male.
Drivers and pilots must be at Little Merry Sunshine's beck and call 24/7 and able to transport her anywhere at a moment's notice. No questions asked.
Little Merry Sunshine reserves the right to dismiss pilots, flight attendants, and/or drivers at a moment's notice and for no reason whatsoever, so back-ups must always be available. Little Merry Sunshine also reserves the right to change the departure and return cities at her discretion and without warning.
Accommodations: Little Merry Sunshine only stays on the penthouse floor of 5-star hotels. If your city does not have a 5-star hotel, Little Merry Sunshine recommends you move your function to the nearest city with a 5-star hotel, but reminds you that your event participants must not stay at LMS's hotel. Her suite must be west facing with no obstructing view for sunset watching. Obviously, these hotels must be pet friendly. The penthouse must be fully stocked with chilled Diet Coke, shaved ice, Watervale Cracked-Wheat Bread, bottled water, Absolut Ruby Red, cranberry juice, tortilla chips, hummus and oatmeal from Raw and multi-colored bendy straws. Because Little Merry Sunshine is concerned with germs, all items must be restocked and fresh daily. Little Merry Sunshine requires a never slept-on king-size Tempur-pedic mattress and foundation, heated mattress pad, 1600 count Egyptian Cotton sheets and Hello Kitty pillow cases (also 1600-count Egyptian Cotton), changed daily.
Little Merry Sunshine is not a morning person, but the transition from sleep to wakefulness is eased by the sweet sounds of Keith Urban, James Taylor or Jimmy Buffett . . . live. Recordings will not be accepted. A song list will be provided. Little Merry Sunshine will not tolerate alarm clocks.
With regards to Betsey and Ross, they require two litter boxes with Fresh Step scoopable litter, scooped hourly and changed daily. They only eat Purina One Sensitive Systems dry cat food, which must be served 1/3 cup at a time, but the bottom of the bowl must never be visible, per Betsey.
To avoid the paparazzi and other low-lifes, Little Merry Sunshine will provide you with her pseudonym 30 days prior to her arrival and insists it be used on all reservations.
Miscellaneous: Little Merry Sunshine does not do autographs, pictures, or spend time with anyone not previously vetted by Secret Service and personally approved by Little Merry Sunshine. Little Merry Sunshine has very reasonable speaking fees, comensurate with her talents, but if you have to ask what they are, you obviously cannot afford them. No recording of Little Merry Sunshine speeches will be allowed and all cell phones and other recording devices must be confiscated and destroyed in advance. All aspects of the Public Appearance and Speaking Contract with Little Merry Sunshine must be kept entirely confidential and all written communications regarding negotiations must be shredded. Little Merry Sunshine requires universally flattering and slimming lighting, an oak podium (not that cheap particle board made to look like oak) or a skirted table with a plush ergonomic chair (no folding chairs) and an introduction given by someone not nearly as beautiful or smart as Little Merry Sunshine (Sarah Palin?). All marketing and advertising materials must be pre-approved by Little Merry Sunshine no less than 45 days before LMS's appearance.
Obviously, Little Merry Sunshine will need to thoroughly vet your organization and will require certain information about your needs to ensure they meet her high standards. All requested information must be provided no less than 45 days prior to LMS's possible appearance.
Little Merry Sunshine will be happy to resume her Public Appearance and Speaking schedule once she receives confirmation that these new policies have been followed. Thank you for your cooperation.
When you do something, anything, do you give it that extra effort that allows you to achieve excellence or do you settle for just okay?
I'll admit that in my own life, I usually give the extra effort, but sometimes I've settled. I've settled in school, professionally, and even in some of my relationships. Not always, mind you, but sometimes. Time and time again, however, I've been given evidence that when I give something just one more ounce or degree of effort, without fail, I achieve greatness. I got As in classes I might have only gotten Bs in, I've achieved my professional and personal goals with ease, and I've had extraordinary relationships when I've pushed one degree harder.
I saw this video recently about the extra degree and the difference it makes. It reminded me of the power of one degree and the power it has in my own life. I hope it inspires you too.
