October 5: International Dave Gardner Day!

This is one of my all-time favorite pictures of Dave. I'm guessing he's in high school here, but I don't know for sure. It was taken by his friend Maura Ardam and used with permission.

Thirty-seven years ago today, my parents gave me the greatest gift in the world. They gave me a little brother named Dave.

Now, although I wanted a puppy or a Barbie doll and, at first, I wasn't exactly fond of him (there's the whole alleged Thanksgiving Incident of 1974, but we don't talk about that), I came to discover that his value far exceeds that of a puppy and Barbie doll combined.

Dave is my biggest cheerleader and I am his. He's usually my first phone call when I have good news and he's my rock when things aren't so good. He's adventurous and fun and challenges me to be better. And even though there are times he continues to push when I'm happy with the status quo, I've come to realize that he only does it because he can often see bigger and better for me than I can in the moment.

Simply put, Dave is the greatest brother in the world and for his birthday, I declare it International Dave Gardner Day! Everyone should be so blessed to have a brother like him. Not him (he's mine), but like him.

Please join me in celebrating my brother Dave. You can wish him Happy Birthday in the comments.

Happy Happy Birthday Dave! Happy International Dave Gardner Day! I love you!

It's Been 2 Years

This is how I'll always remember Nana.

I was standing in my friend Danica's living room when my phone rang. It was Sunday, July 12, 2009 at about 3:15pm. Danica had just asked me how Nana was doing and I was telling her that after a rough few weeks, where we never knew if she'd make it through the night, I believed Nana was stable and would hold on for just a few more days until I could arrive in Florida on July 15th to celebrate her 93rd birthday with her on the 18th.

I looked at caller id, realized it was Mom and ignored it. I'd spoken with Mom about 2 hours earlier and she was headed over to the nursing home. I'd asked her to call me so I could talk with Nana. Talk is not exactly the right word. She couldn't talk anymore. Thinking back, I'm not sure she'd spoken in a month or so at that point. So I'd do the talking. I'd tell her how much I loved her and couldn't wait to see her in just a few days. We'd celebrate her birthday with cake and candles.

As I pulled out of Danica's driveway, about 15 minutes later to head home, I called Mom back. She was at the nursing home, but I couldn't speak to Nana because she had passed away at 3:10pm ET (about 90 minutes earlier).

Nana had died.

Those words didn't really sink in. I just got to work. I knew what I had to do and I did it. At that point, real tears were probably a few days away. I had to work with Crystal Beach Community Church and Batesville Presbyterian Church to arrange two funeral services. I got the obituary edited and submitted to The Panolian (Batesville, Mississippi's newspaper), St. Petersburg Times and Tampa Tribune. I wrote the eulogy I would give twice. I worked with Dave to get him to Florida and then to Mississippi before returning to Michigan. I had to get Mom from Florida to Mississippi and back to Florida. And I had to get from Chicago to Florida to Dallas to Mississippi and finally home. I still owe my cousin Elesha huge for what she did to make it possible for me to attend Nana's burial.

The rest of the story is told elsewhere on Little Merry Sunshine (and here) and over at Remembering Frances. That's not really what this post is about.

Two years have at once flown by and dragged at a snail's pace.

I've closed Nana's estate. I've figured out how to get out of bed again, be happy, and not miss her every single waking moment. I've changed careers. Some days I don't miss her at all.

Don't misunderstand me, I miss her. A lot. I miss her smile. I miss her Southern drawl. I miss hearing "Jessica, you're my favorite granddaughter" even though I was her only granddaughter. I miss her pretty delicate hands. I miss her fingers intertwined with mine as she held my hand. I miss her remembering every single detail of life (yep, that's where I get it from). I miss receiving birthday cards that were made for little girls when I was in my 30s. I miss the boxes of grapefruit off her tree and the fruitcake she made with too much bourbon because she didn't drink and didn't understand that the axiom "if a little is more, a lot is better" wasn't really true, although when it came to bourbon in fruitcake, it actually was. I miss her weekly handwritten letters. I miss her telling me she loved me "a bushel and a peck." Holidays are different.

But she's not really gone. Well, she is. Obviously. But I feel her presence and sometimes even hear her voice. I can hear it now as I type. Sometimes I can even smell her. Once, I saw her. Feeling, hearing and even smelling her typically only lasts for a brief second before it disappears, but I'm certain in those moments, she's here. The time I saw her was in a dream, but I have no doubt she'd been here that night too.

I've thought a lot over the past two years about what I'd say to her if I had just one more minute with her. I've tried to figure out what one question I'd ask or what one profound thing I'd say one last time. But after giving it great thought, I'd tell her the same thing she said to us each night before bed or each time we'd get off the phone.

Good night. God Bless. I love you. Sweet dreams, Nana.

Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss!

Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss (aka Theodore Geisel)! I can only imagine the millions of children who grew up learning to read with your books and developing a lifelong love of reading because of you. I count myself among them.

We all have a favorite Dr. Seuss book that we can probably still recite from memory. Maybe it was The Cat in the Hat. Or Horton Hears A Who! Or One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish. Or Green Eggs and Ham.

Actually Green Eggs and Ham is partially responsible for my complete (and slightly unreasonable) opposition to eggs and milk (unless they are well mixed into other things.

When I was about 7 or 8, my mom got up one St. Patrick's Day morning and decided to fix Dave and me green scrambled eggs and green milk a la Green Eggs and Ham. I took one look at this hideous looking meal and went to school hungry that day. Dave, who at the time was the pickiest eater in the entire world, ate it up eagerly. Heck, he probably ate mine too. To this day I still won't eat eggs in any form. To quote Green Eggs and Ham, "Not in a box. Not with a fox. Not in a house. Not with a mouse. I would not eat them here or there. I would not eat them anywhere. I would not eat green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam-I-am."

My favorite Dr. Seuss book is Oh The Places You'll Go, which like most people I know, I received as a college graduation gift. This charming book reminds us that life isn't always easy and certainly has its share of adversity, but "there's fun to be done." I should probably go re-read it right about now.

But above all, my most favorite Dr. Seuss creation is his poem "My Uncle Terwilliger on the Art of Eating Popovers," (click the previous link to read President Hotchkiss's memory of how Dr. Seuss came to give the speech, which until the moment he was on stage, no one knew for sure he would give) which he wrote just for the Class of 1977 at Lake Forest College.

My Uncle Terwilliger on
the Art of Eating Popovers

My uncle ordered popovers
from the restaurant’s bill of fare.
And, when they were served,
he regarded them
with a penetrating stare…
Then he spoke great Words of Wisdom
as he sat there on that chair:
“To eat these things,”
said my uncle,
“you must exercise great care.
You may swallow down what’s solid…
BUT…
you must spit out the air!”

And…
as you partake of the world’s bill of fare,
that’s darned good advice to follow.
Do a lot of spitting out the hot air.
And be careful what you swallow.
—Dr. Seuss

There's even a stone commemorating this speech on the LFC campus that I stop to read each time I walk by it, which is actually fairly often.

In honor of Dr. Seuss, today I'm going to sit down and re-read Oh The Places You'll Go and whatever other Dr. Seuss books I may still have. How will you celebrate?

Happy Birthday Dave!

Today is my brother Dave's birthday. I would tell you how old he is, but then you'd have a clue about my real age and I'm happy to have you believe I'm 29.

I'm so incredibly grateful that Dave is my brother and although I was, at one point, inclined to trade him in for a better model (cut me some slack, I was 4 when I attempted this), I've decided he's a keeper.

When I was in college, Dave built me a loft that was not only strong enough to survive an earthquake, but was one that I would not roll out of because it was considerably wider than the mattress so if I started to roll out (it happened), I would hit the platform first.

For my twenty-first birthday, Dave made me a silver pendant of two people connected and standing next to each other. At first, I thought it was a lovely pendant and was touched that he'd given me a piece of his artwork, but then I discovered that he specifically made this piece for me and wrote a paper about it for his English class. According to his paper, the two people represented us and the bond we share; the way we always took care of each other and the role played in each others lives. I sobbed like a baby when I read these words that, as a 17 year old high school kid, he could not say out loud.

To this day, Dave always carves out a couple of days in the fall to help me get the house ready for winter and whenever he's in town, he generously offers to fix anything I need done. He even gave me a new water heater for my birthday this year. Really. No one else should think that's a good gift to give me, but from Dave, it's perfect. When my neighbor's tree fell on my backyard fence and shed a few years ago in an awful storm, Dave put aside his own plans to move to Michigan and spent an entire day taking down the tree when they refused to do it. He did it so carefully that nothing was damaged and it saved me a ton of money.

Dave motivates me to be better by challenging me to hike Baldy and keep going when I think I won't make it, kayak, and swim to BooHoo. Rather than ever berating me for being slow or needing a break, he shows the patience of Job and always makes me feel great about my accomplishments. No one believes in me and pushes me to step outside my comfort zone the way Dave does.

So go over to Facebook and wish David W. Gardner a very happy birthday. No one deserves a great day like Dave!

Happy Birthday Dave!

Dave, Linda, Me, and our Dad at Watervale in 2005.

Thirty-five years ago today, God brought me a little brother whom my parents named David, over my very loud protests and requests to name him Bozo.

I'll be honest, at first, David, now Dave, wasn't exactly my cup of tea. Our parents had promised me that Dave would be a great playmate, but I learned the hard way . . . not so much. One day, shortly before his first Thanksgiving, when Mom thought Dave was napping and I was playing quietly in my room, she heard a gut wrenching shriek. She rushed to Dave's nursery where she found me sitting in his crib with him and he was just letting out these blood-curdling howls. Oh, and he also had teeth marks on his cheek. Mom took one look at me and wanted to know what had happened, as though there would be any explanation that would get me out of the severe punishment that was awaiting me. Innocently, I told her that Dave and I were playing Thanksgiving and he was the turkey. We never played that game again and I'm pretty sure it was a day or two before I was able to sit comfortably.

Not to worry, Dave got me back, about 6 years later when I was 10 and he announced to everyone at Dillard's that I did not need any undershirts (Nana had taken us school clothes shopping) because I wore now a bra.

No, we were not fast friends. In fact, for many years, we were more akin to mortal enemies.

I guess it was when we got to be teenagers that we finally started to like each other. And now I can honestly tell you that Dave is not just my little brother, he's also one of my closest friends.

If I got to hand pick my brother, Dave would be the guy. Dave is fun and smart. He's really down-to-earth and he's the guy you want in a crisis. He stays calm when I freak out. He's really damn handy with fixing things and has all sorts of knowledge I don't have. He's an amazing athlete. He owns his own business, Crystal Skylights & Solarlighting, and can build anything. And I've heard he's pretty good looking too.

Happy Birthday Dave! You are not only my only brother, but you are the best brother I could ever want to have, and I hope this is the best year of your life.

Favorite Moments of 2008

After reading Ellen of the Tenth's favorite moments of 2008, I have been inspired to reflect on the year and write my own. Like the sexy men post, these are in no particular order.

Certainly no "favorite moments" post would be complete without mentioning November 4, 2008. I've never been so proud to vote in my life. It was a sunny day and I felt hopeful from the moment I woke up. Standing in line, waiting to vote for now President-elect Barack Obama, I was proud to be American. (Note: This was not the first time I was proud, but it's a moment of pride that stands out.) I was proud that we have a tradition of orderly change of power in our country. I was proud of where we'd come since Martin Luther King stood at the Lincoln Memorial telling the world of his dream. And even though the candidate was African-American (and in spite of Sarah Palin on the GOP ticket), I felt, for the first time, that it's possible for a woman to become President in my lifetime. The soundtrack I heard in my head all day was inspiring.

Fast forward a few hours when I was standing in Grant Park with my dear friends Tim, Tony, and Colleen and we were part of history. We weren't close to the stage and we couldn't see anything not broadcast on the jumbotron, but we were there. We were there when Barack won the presidency. And damn I was proud. My heart was overflowing with joy and I don't think I ever got to sleep that night.



This year I also went back in the water at Watervale. I got over my fear of kayaking and faced the icy waters of Lake Michigan like a woman. My brother Dave pushes me out of my comfort zone and I'm always a better woman for it.

2008 also brought me quite a bit of professional success. I was selected to join the Board of Directors of the Arlington Heights Chamber of Commerce and asked to be the co-chair of the Professional Women's Council. Being introduced to the Professional Women's Council as the co-chair for 2009 (and the chairwoman for 2010) was a moment of pride I'll never forget. And I'm sure it will be the same when I'm inducted to the Chamber Board in front of the entire Chamber in January.

For the second year in a row, I was #1 in sales in my area in Mary Kay. I was also named Miss Go Give, again for the second year in a row, in our area. This is a really big deal and the highest award in all of Mary Kay. The Miss Go Give Award is awarded to the consultant who most emulates Mary Kay's principles of working by the Golden Rule, and caring and sharing through her business.

Early in 2008 I was asked to join the Alumni Board at Lake Forest College. I remember when that phone call came, I really felt like I'd "made it." I remember being a college student there and feeling very much like an outsider. I received a ton of financial aid and it seemed like everyone else was from an uber-wealthy family and attended boarding school. I was never quite sure I belonged there, even though I had a great experience and made some of the best friends I've ever known. My education and lessons I learned at Lake Forest College have served me well and now through my service on the Alumni Board, I am able to give back in ways other than just writing a check.

As part of my volunteer work for the College, I was the chairwoman of my 15th Year Reunion Committee. Our reunion was in October and a huge success. I remember standing in the back of the almost over-crowded room watching people reminiscing, renewing old friendships, and making new ones. Yes, I had a committee and they worked hard. But I know that my leadership played a huge part in the success of the night. I'd be lying if I said that night wasn't a favorite moment of 2008.

Finally, after all the writing I've done about it, probably my favorite moment of the year was "my book." Well, okay, it wasn't MY book, exactly. But I did have a small (very small) part in The Book of Lies by Brad Meltzer. I loved that he mentioned me in the Acknowledgments, which was a huge surprise. And then when Brad was in Chicago on his book tour, he called my mom to wish her a happy birthday as he signed a book for her. She's a huge fan of his and was really touched that he personally called her.

As we move into 2009, I am filled with hope that President Obama will lead us into better economic times before millions more people lose their jobs and homes. I am hopeful that we are able to finally provide all Americans will equal rights in every area of their lives and that healthcare becomes a right and ceases to be a privilege. I am hopeful that as a nation, we will come together and support our new president and that the hatred will subside. Personally, I'm hopeful that my business continues to thrive and that Mr. Right and I finally meet.

Here's to 2009.

Happy Birthday Dave!

Today is my little brother, Dave's, birthday. To call him my little brother isn't exactly accurate. He stands almost a foot taller than me and has for close to 2 decades. And he's 34 today. But to me, he'll always be my little brother.

Not only is Dave my little brother, he's also one of the people I admire most in this world and one of my best friends.

Please raise your glass and toast to my brother Dave.

Happy Birthday Dave! I love you!

The BEST Birthday Card I Received!

As you know, my birthday was a few weeks ago. I think I've finally adjusted to now being in my "late 30's" rater than my "mid-30s".

On the Gardner side, I am the eldest of 7 grandchildren, but just barely. My cousin Andrea is two months younger than me and until Dave was born, we were it. We were doted on by everyone. It was wonderful.

All these years later, Andrea and I always exchange birthday presents and make a big deal out of each other's birthday. Usually, we're on-time about it too. Because she lives just outside of St. Louis, the celebration happens via the phone, email, and snail mail. This year, as a special treat, Andrea was in town in mid-May, about a month prior to my birthday, and we had a fantastic weekend! So when my birthday went unacknowledged, I really didn't think anything of it. My assumption was that this year, we jointly celebrated our birthdays together, albeit very early.

Imagine my surprise on Thursday when I reached into the mailbox and found a very thick card with her return address on it! Rather than thinking this this envelope was for me, I assumed it was a card for Betsey and Ross's 12th birthday yesterday. But it was for me! Hooray!

When I opened the envelope, I found a card with a picture of President Bush saying "The celebrification of a person's bornfulness is a rightitude we hold dear in this nation. Make it your bestest!" I laughed pretty hard.

And then I read Andrea's lengthy note, which I've reproduced here for you, and laughed so hard I almost had to change clothes . . .

I'm sorry I missed your birthday! I guess there's a first time for everything, right? Well, between hoping my house doesn't flood, 60-hour workweeks, school deadlines, moms who total cars, employees quitting left and right, late periods, barfing dogs, crabby husbands, the gas crisis, the rising cost of postage, and bad hair days, something was bound to slip between the cracks! If it makes you feel any better, and it should, I am celebrating your birthday this very minute by eating a birthday cake
sundae. Here's to you!

With happiness, guilt and regret . . . Happy late birthday!
Andrea

Oh my God Andrea is so funny! That was the best birthday card I received!

I almost forgot . . . the reason the card was so thick was because she also sent me 5 scratch off lottery tickets. In the interest of full disclosure, I had never seen scratch-off lottery tickets before. Once I figured out how many squares to scratch off (answer = all), I discovered that none of my tickets were winners.