My Friends Say the Darndest Things

Over the past couple of days, my friends have said things to me that, 36 hours later, still have me laughing so hard my sides hurt.

First up, Tony. He posted the following description of his day on Facebook.

"I feel like I have been standing all day in a room filled with 111 flying monkeys flinging feces at me."

Yep, I feel you, Tony. I had that day yesterday too. It was hard. But you put it into words far better than I could.

Next up, Amy. She'd been out late the night before and I sent her a text yesterday morning asking how she was feeling. About six hours later, I received this text in return.

"Like I got eaten by a coyote & shit off a cliff."

Oh, honey. That perfectly describes how I feel sometimes too. I hope you hydrated and good hangover food to ease your pain.

Holy cow, I have some damn funny friends. I just wish I could think of such witty things at the drop of a hat. Without a doubt, I'm going to find ways to incorporate these fantastic sayings into my everyday vernacular. When you hear them, you'll know the origin.

I must keep these people in my life. Thank you for being my friends and for keeping me in stitches.

Samuel L. Jackson Reads "Go the F*)& to Sleep"

At my company's holiday luncheon today, some of my co-workers started discussing the children's book Go the F&*$ to Sleep. Frankly, I'd never heard of it, but not having kids, I guess that's not too surprising. One of them mentioned that to fully appreciate the book, I must hear Samuel L. Jackson read it.

Without hesitation, I Googled the book and about fell out of my chair laughing hysterically while listening to Samuel L. Jackson. And immediately, I knew I had to share it with you.

Just a warning, the video below is NOT SUITABLE FOR WORK. Also, you probably don't want to get this book for your kids for Christmas.

Enjoy! Happy Friday!

Thanks Bank of America!

I so wish I'd thought of this, but I didn't. I have plenty of reasons to dislike Bank of America, so I found this absolutely hysterical. It's funny because, well, there's a good amount of truth to it. The good folks at Funny or Die nailed it again.

Thanks, Bank of America! - watch more funny videos

NSFW: "It's 3G. And Has The WiFi's . . ."

On Saturday night, I had a small dinner party with two of my dearest friends and a new friend, who is very quickly becoming one of our little group. Somehow the party turned into a battle of the coolest smart phones - one had an iPhone 2G, another had the Droid X, and the third friend had the new HTC Evo by Sprint.

I was immediately disqualified because although I really like my phone and it's sort of smart, it's no where near as cool or as smart as theirs. Seriously, watching these guys compare their phones waslike watching them brag about their virility. I don't remember the last time I saw so much testosterone.

Before the other two arrived, the owner of the HTC Evo by Sprint shared the video below with me because I am also on the Sprint network and he knows I've been thinking about whether to get the Evo or the iPhone when my contract runs out in December. Let me be honest, it was all I could do not to spit wine out my nose and wet my pants. Luckily, I do my Kegels.

In the course of the phone comparisons, the video was shown again and even now, I still laugh hysterically when I think about it. I sent it to another friend overnight and he sent me a text this morning saying "that was the funniest thing I have seen in awhile." I dare you not to laugh out loud.

WARNING: Do not watch this at work or around children or others with sensitivity to 4-letter words.



It turns out the backstory is just as entertaining. Even though you wouldn't know it, the video was created by an employee of Best Buy. Although it doesn't mention Best Buy, Best Buy tried to get their employee to remove the video. He refused because he doesn't mention his employer, but they suspended him and tried to fire him. In the end, they let him keep his job (interestingly, it was after the media got involved and their name was plastered everywhere), but he's got other job offers, including one from Gizmodo.

NOTE: If you read LMS via email and the videos don't come through, take a minute to visit the blog and watch the video. It may just be the funniest part of your day.

The Official George W. Bush Librarium

Have you heard how former President George W. Bush has raised $100 million for his library since leaving office just over 100 days ago? It's true. I'm sure you're wondering why all this money is needed.

Luckily for you, Little Merry Sunshine has amazing connections (you're surprised I have connections in the GOP, aren't you?) and I have gotten my hands on the architectural drawings for the future Presidential Library for our 43rd President. Because I'm so generous, I'm going to share them with you. Unfortunately, they wouldn't let me put the pictures on LMS, so you'll have to click here to see them.

Trust me, this is a library truly fitting of our 43rd President.

You're welcome.

1st Annual Little Merry Sunshine Holiday Gift Guide aka Little Merry Sunshine's Favorite Things

Here at Little Merry Sunshine, we are completely in the Holiday Spirit and are overrun with little elves named Betsey and Ross scampering around to put the finishing touches on all of our Christmas gifts.

But I know that many of you do not have the vast staff I have and have not even started your holiday shopping, even though you've only got 2 days left until Christmas. As my gift to you, I have compiled a list of my Favorite Things a la Oprah's Favorite Things perfect for all your gift giving needs (unless you're shopping for me, in which case you should refer to this list).

Without further ado, Little Merry Sunshine's Holiday Gift Guide . . .

Do you know women or men insecure about the hair down there? Do you get sick and tired with your hook-ups commenting "Huh, I thought you were a natural blonde?" With Betty Beauty, you will be the only one to know you're not truly a natural blonde! Or you can surprise your one-night stand with one of the many on-trend colors including hot pink and blue! And what says you're feeling holiday festive more than a red and green Betty? Over 150,000 satisfied clients!

Is your Dad a golf fanatic? Do you find yourself a golf widow wishing her man or woman was at home rather than pissing away another Saturday on the course? Have you found that with the recession, the golfer you love can no longer afford to play golf every weekend? Give the golfer in your life the Potty Putter for hours of fun!

This year, like no other before it, eco-friendly gifts are all the rage. No one wants to increase their carbon footprint, yet we all want to give personalized, one-of-a-kind gifts. Luckily, the Miller Park Zoo in Bloomington, Illinois has come to our rescue with their Reindeer Dung Christmas Ornaments!

Are you tired of your bananas getting crushed in your briefcase? With the Banana Bunker that problem is solved forever!

For the multitasking guy in your life, you'll want to give him the Weener Kleener! One size fits most.

If you're the kind of person who likes their gifts to live into eternity, I'd recommend naming a newly discovered bat species after your loved one. Nothing quite says "I love you" like naming a flying rodent after someone.

Help build your partner's ego with the new Condometric - The Measuring Tape Condom!

Finally, no list of favorite gifts would be complete without a gift from the Queen of Favorite Things herself - Oprah Winfrey. Therefore, Little Merry Sunshine is pleased to suggest the Oprah Snow Globe.

I'm certain that any of these gifts would be greatly appreciated (but not by me). Merry Christmas & Happy Shopping!

Bush Has Good Reflexes Going for Him, If Nothing Else

You simply must see this.

An Iraqi journalist threw his shoes at George Bush after calling him a dog, which is a huge insult.



The BBC also has a great story.

I know I promised that I wouldn't be snarky anymore, but this is so wonderful I simply couldn't help myself. Watch it over and over again. It's truly the gift that keeps on giving.

Blago Does SNL!

You know you've made it when Saturday Night Live parodies you. Blago was parodied in two skits last night, but fortunately, SNL only put up the video of the funny one. Enjoy!



On another note, Saturday Night Live will suffer greatly due to Amy Poehler's departure. She is a genius. I will miss her.

I Love The Onion!

The Onion never fails to be timely or funny and often gets it right years in advance.

Today's American Voices is a perfect example of both timely and funny . . .

llinois Governor Arrested
Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich was arrested Tuesday on corruption charges stemming from an alleged conspiracy to sell or trade the Senate seat left vacant by Barack Obama. What do you think?

Ethan Strouth, Mailroom Worker

"I was moved by the governor's heartfelt plea that he be given his fucking money back."

Denise Simmonds, Dog Groomer
"I should have never had those 'Spitzer-Blagojevich 2012' lawn signs printed up back in February."


John Edwards, Lawyer
"How much are Senate seats going for these days? I only paid $75,000 for mine back in ’98."

SNL Does Rahmbo

This is hysterical.

SNL got huge ratings with its Sarah Palin impersonations and I think the next 4 years with Rahm Emmanuel spoofs will continue boost their ratings.

UPDATE 11/23/08 9:15pm: According to HuffPo, this sketch with Andy Samborg did not air last night. I have to admit, I only saw part of SNL, so when I saw this online this morning, I didn't reailze it hadn't aired. Too bad, this was funnier than anything I suffered through last night.

Enjoy!

Funniest SNL Skit EVER! John & Cindy McCain & Sarah Palin on QVC (VIDEO)

I don't know when the SNL opening skit will be available, but trust me, it will knock your socks off. John AND Cindy McCain appeared along with Tina Fey's Sarah Palin. Because the McCain campaign can't afford to buy 30 minutes on the 3 major networks, they go on QVC! And of course, Sarah goes rogue. And makes fun of the $150,000 wardrobe.

Seriously this is the funniest skit SNL ever. Ever.

Of course, I'm still voting for Obama.

Here's the video!

Barack on The Daily Show

Did you miss Barack on The Daily Show on Wednesday night? Have no fear, Little Merry Sunshine has you covered.

Who Are the Undecided?

My friend Craig sent this to me last night. I think I should be insulted by this, but I may just be too stupid to know for sure.

From The Daily Show.

Saturday Night Live: Barack & Michelle Obama Address

Tina Fey didn't appear on SNL last night and Amy Poehler gave birth yesterday, so SNL wasn't nearly as funny as it could have been. But Maya Rudolph came back to appear as Michelle Obama. Enjoy!

The Election is Between "The Hot Lady & The Tiger Woods Guy" (aka Sarah Palin & Barack Obama)

Will Ferrell is back as George W. Bush (almost 8 years later, I still can't call him "President") and Tina Fey as Sarah Palin on a special Thursday edition of Saturday Night Live!

Watch as Sarah meets W for the very first time!

Tina Fey as Sarah Palin: "I like to think I'm one part practiced folksy , one part sassy and a little dash of high school bitchy." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Obama Gives Al the Shoe Salesman a Tax Cut!

Here's a new Obama ad for you!

Do you recognize this man? I have to admit it took me few seconds.

TiVo Alert! Sarah Palin WILL be on SNL!

Sarah Palin will appear on Saturday Night Live this Saturday, October 18th! (Link)

No word on whether Tina Fey will also appear, but my money is on Tina showing up.

Saturday Night Live airs on NBC at 11:30/10:30 E/C.

President Sarah Palin

Just in case you need one more reason to go vote early or on November 4th for Barack Obama, click on the website below and once there, click around (make sure your volume is turned up).

You'll throw up a little bit in the back of your throat. I promise.

President Sarah Palin (I said it so you don't have to).

Picture from AMERICAblog.

Sarah Palin Interview!

Do you have questions you'd like to pose to Governor Palin? Of course you do!

Here's your chance to speak directly with Sarah. Ask her anything you want.

Want to know why she gave her kids such bizarre names? Just ask. Want to know the foundation for her crazy anti-choice beliefs? Just ask. Wondering what she REALLY thinks of her husband Todd? Ask! Ever question whether Sarah had sex with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky? Go for it! Curious about what she thinks about global warming. Feel free to query her on it.

Interview Sarah Palin!

Sarah Palin & Hillary Clinton Joint Appearance!

Okay, so SNL was a repeat tonight (side note: We're not even a month into the season and they're already out of fresh material? Really?) and we weren't blessed with any new Sarah Palin/Tina Fey sketches.

Luckily, this Sarah Palin & Hillary Clinton Joint Appearance never gets old.

Enjoy!



Note the "this one" reference weeks before John McCain said it.