I've Been Wondering About A Few Things . . .

There are some questions I've been grappling with lately and have been unable to answer for myself. Because you, my faithful readers, are by and large some of the smartest people around (you read Little Merry Sunshine, afterall), I'm tossing these things out to you in hopes that maybe you can help answer my questions.

1. Is it just me or does the fact that former President George W. Bush is out there shilling for Haiti relief leave a bitter taste when looking at it through the lens of how he mishandled New Orleans after Katrina? Don't get me wrong, I think relief for Haiti is an important cause, but is George W. "You're doing a heck of a job, Brownie!" Bush really the best spokesperson?

2. Why didn't Scott Lee Cohen's opponents in the Democratic primary last week bring any of these facts about his prostitute-loving, woman-beating, tax-cheating, child-support-skipping past to light? And why did the Tribune and Sun-Times wait until the day after the election to publish their stories? These are the kinds of stories that the good folks who voted for him (I wasn't one because something about him just rubbed me wrong and it turns out I was right.), might have appreciated knowing the day before the election. They were evidently so easy to find that they hit the papers within hours after his victory and we're now stuck with him, unless he removes himself from the ballot. If any members of the media or one of his opponents had brought this to light prior to Wednesday (say maybe Monday?), we might not be in this mess now. UPDATE: Capitol Fax is reporting that Cohen may be withdrawing from the race at 7:30pm. Update #2 7:17pm: Cohen is out.

3. Why is it that in spite of the fact that I wear socks 2 at a time, whenever I put socks in the wash, I'm always one short when I fold clothes? And why is it that on the rare occasion when I toss in an odd number of socks, the odd sock is never lost and I always get the same number of socks out of the dryer that I put in?

4. Why do the pro-life folks champion women for making the choice to not have an abortion when all they want to do is take that choice away?

I think that's all for today. If anyone has these answers, I'd sure appreciate it.

Arlen Specter: A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing?

Today is not sitting right with me.

You may have heard that Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter began the day as a member of the Grand Ole Party (aka Republican Party) and will go to sleep tonight as a Democrat. And that confuses me.

Sure, I like the idea that, with the addition of Senator Specter and once Senator Al Franken is allowed to be seated, the Democrats have the all-important 60 votes necessary to quash a filibuster.

But this switch wasn't about Senator Specter disagreeing with the fundamental things Republicans believe or even embracing Democratic principles. Senator Specter himself today admitted that his switch had everything to do with the fact that he did some polling and discovered that he probably would lose in a Pennsylvania Republican primary next year. He also made it known that he wouldn't just automatically vote along party lines. The fact is that the Republican party is now dominated by ultra-conservative fundamentalists who use abortion as a litmus test and Senator Specter's 2008 pro-choice voting record would not sit well.

The thing is that I can't get the images of Senator Specter grilling Anita Hill and calling her a liar in the 1991 Confirmation Hearings for Clarence Thomas's nomination to the Supreme Court.

"The lowest point on the first day of the hearing came when Pennsylvania Republican Arlen Specter implied that Hill had simply fantasized Thomas' asking for dates and his lurid remarks about pornography. It is all but inconceivable that a similarly qualified man, black or white, would be accused not merely of lying but of imagining things." — Time Senior Editor Jack E. White, October 21, 1991.

Of course, I suppose that maybe we should be grateful for Senator Specter's behavior during those hearings. Watching 12 white men grill Anita Hill as though she was a criminal mobilized feminists nationwide and 1992 became known as the "Year of the Woman" as the number of female Senators grew from 3 to 5 and women were elected in droves to many other offices around the country.

Maybe. But I still can't help but think Arlen Specter's switch was more about self-preservation than about a shift in his fundamental beliefs. And I just don't trust that. I'll always look at him and wonder if he's just a wolf in sheep's clothing.

How Is It Different?

I have watched, somewhat quietly, over the last four weeks since Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was arrested, the unfolding drama of picking new senators for both New York and Illinois.

As a bit of background, Illinois needs a new senator because Senator Barack Obama is about to be sworn in as the 44th President of the United States (yep, I just like saying that). New York is in this same pickle because President-elect Obama has chosen Senator Hillary Clinton as the new Secretary of State.

Even before the November 4th election, there was great speculation about who would replace Senator Obama should he win. Familiar names including Congressman Jesse Jackson, Jr., Congresswoman Jan Schakowsky, Illinois Department of Veterans Affairs Director Tammy Duckworth, and Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan were among the most talked about.

Personally, I hoped that Governor Blagojevich would name someone quickly as that person would have more seniority than the new senators elected November 4th and sworn in on January 6th. Unfortunately, he did not.

As we all now know, Governor Blagojevich is alleged to have tried to sell the senate seat to the highest bidder - the person who would raise $1 million for his own personal campaign fund. And that is what led U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald to arrest Blago on December 9, 2008.

Now I'm not going to get into whether Blago is guilty or not. That's ultimately for a court to decide. Certainly, in the Court of Public Opinion, Blago is the most corrupt politician ever and should share a cell with former Governor George Ryan.

Last week, in a move that surprised everyone I know including many politicos, Governor Blagojevich named former 3 term Illinois Comptroller and 1 term Attorney General Roland Burris to fill the vacant senate seat. Immediately, a firestorm erupted with Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid saying he would not seat Mr. Burris. Sure, Mr. Burris lost in his bids to be elected senator against Paul Simon in 1984, mayor of Chicago in 1995 against Mayor for Life Richard M. Daley and multiple runs for Governor, but the fact remains he won 4 terms to statewide office.

Looking at New York's situation, within minutes of Senator Clinton being nominated to be Secretary of State, Caroline Kennedy (of the Hyannis Port Kennedy's) tossed her name into the ring to replace Senator Clinton in a seat once held by her uncle, Senator Robert F. Kennedy. For the most part, the media and the public have loved this. Everyone is very eager for Caroline to breath life back into Camelot and take her seemingly rightful place in the Senate.

But what has Caroline Kennedy done to prove herself worthy of this senate seat? Since I questioned Sarah Palin's qualifications to be Vice President, I feel it would be unfair of me to ignore the fact that other than being a Kennedy, writing some nice books about public service and patriotism, and serving on some boards, Caroline Kennedy has no actual qualifications to be the next Senator from New York. She has never held any elected office, for example. It's recently been revealed that she failed to vote in a number of elections, which is a bit ironic since she claims public service and patriotism are part of her DNA. Obviously, she's over 30, a resident of New York, and a citizen of the United States, which are the only requirements laid out in the Constitution, but many people meet those requirements and remain unqualified to be a Senator.

Aside from the the nostalgia of Camelot, I think the only two things Caroline Kennedy does have, however, is instant name recognition and the ability to raise a significant amount of money to run again in 2010 and, should she win that special election, to run again in 2012 when her seat would normally be up for reelection. She also has the ability to raise a significant amount of money for New York Governor David Patterson in his 2010 gubernatorial campaign. He is probably going to need all the help he can get since he wasn't actually elected to his position. Of course, David Patterson is thinking of which candidate will best help his own political aspirations. To suggest he's not would simply by naive.

What I don't understand is how these situations are all that different. Isn't it always understood that politicians help each other out? It seems to me that the only differences between the New York and Illinois situations are that (1) Caroline Kennedy is a Kennedy, (2) no one likes Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, and (3) Blago wants his payment upfront and guaranteed, while Patterson will take an IOU. Democratic Majority Leader Senator Harry Reid obviously wants to keep both seats in the Democratic column in 2010 and Roland Burris won't easily win re-election and certainly doesn't have the name recognition to easily raise money. But, at the end of the day, isn't palm greasing palm greasing no matter how or when it's done? Why is one blindly accepted and the other a federal crime?

Why is Congress so Classist?

I simply do not understand. Congress had no problem handing Wall Street $700 BILLION with no questions asked just 2 months ago. They didn't make Wall Street CEOs work for $1.00. They didn't make Wall Street employees forgo bonuses or benefits or take cuts in salary. They let AIG have their spa weekends on my dime (hey Uncle Sam, I'd like a massage too!).

Yet the Big 3, which employs hundreds of thousands Americans directly and probably a couple million Americans in ancillary industries, can't get a measly $34 billion LOAN? The Big 3 asked for less than 5% of what Wall Street got handed to them on a silver platter and Congress refuses to give it to them.

Until a few minutes ago, Congress seemed to be willing to give them about $15 billion (less than 1/2 of what they asked for), but that seems to have just fallen apart thanks to some asshole GOPers. If they'd been able to reach an agreement to give the American automobile industry a loan, there were going to be all kinds of stipulations - CEOs working for $1, employees receive huge salary and benefits cuts, and more.

Call me crazy, but this feels very classist to me. Wall Street is white collar while the Big 3 is blue collar. Just one more example of the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer under George W. Bush. Why are we so willing to save Wall Street, but not Main Street?

Update 10:47pm: I'm watching CNN and they're reporting about how AIG is giving "retention payments" to employees earning between $160,000 - $3 million and the payments are up to $1 million! Now you may be wondering what these "retention payments" are. Well, they're BONUSES. And yet Congress is letting the Big 3 die. Nice. I don't think I've ever been so ashamed of my government and I've got a lot to be embarrassed by given that I live in Illinois.

I Need Your Advice

I've considered writing to Dear Abby, but I think my readers are at least as smart and will respond faster.

Let me preface this by saying that my across the street neighbor, an elected official, constantly snow blows their snow into the street, which is against village code and I've had conversations about this matter with them before. Additionally, I do not want to cause problems in my neighborhood. I appreciate that keeping peace amongst the neighbors is good for everyone.

Saturday morning, as I was shoveling my driveway after the latest 3 inches of snow, my neighbor came out and snow blowed the snow from the apron of his drive into the street for the second time that day. Directly in front of me. So I walked across the street to have a polite conversation. Here's how it went.

Me: Hi! Would you mind not snow blowing your snow into the street?

Neighbor: Why?

Me: Well because it creates a dangerous situation for you, your wife, me, and any one driving down the street with black ice and because it's against Village Code.

Neighbor: The Village will be out to salt the street.

Me: Maybe and maybe not. It's been all over the news that the cost of salt has almost quadrupled this year and towns are cutting back on their salting. Plus, with the recession, the towns do not have the money to act as aggressively as they have in the past because they aren't collecting as much in taxes. So it would be great if you could toss your snow onto the parkway, like the rest of us do.

Neighbor: It's not dangerous! Are you looking to cause problems? Why are you over here just creating something to complain about? GO AWAY!

Clearly, my neighbor dislikes me, but I honestly have no idea why. I also have no idea why he thinks he can speak to me this way. I was polite and never once raised my voice to him. His wife is an elected official and he is a former fireman in this town. They must both know how dangerous black ice can be.

After this conversation, I came in and called the Public Works department and asked them to come have a conversation with my neighbor. They were sympathetic, agreed that it creates a dangerous situation and that it's against Village Code, but they have no enforcement power and will not come over.

I was also told that the Village doesn't enforce this code violation. WHAT? This is a public safety issue and should be taken seriously by the Village. Furthermore, in a time of economic difficulties for my town, when the Trustees are looking at cutting services in order to balance the budget, this could be a gold mine. If there are 10 snows this winter and 1000 people (out of almost 80,000) violate the Code each time and receive a $25 each time, that's $250,000 into the village coffers. Not only does that entirely cover the cost of the person writing the tickets, but it would easily generate over $150,000 in revenue (assuming that they paid the ticket writer $100,000).

Why do people have so little regard for their neighbors, common courtesy, and public safety?

Any suggestions you have for how I can get my neighbor to cooperate would be greatly appreciated.

I'm Confused.

And I'll admit that it's fairly easy for me to be confused.

I thought that Barack Obama was the Elitist in this campaign, not anyone in the GOP. From what I've been hearing this week at the GOP Convention, I thought John McCain was a "man of the people" and just like you and me. And that's why he chose Sarah Palin as his runningmate. The two of them are just plain ordinary folks, just like the rest of us.

But then I saw this in Vanity Fair and now I'm confused.

I guess I'm confused because most people in this country don't own homes worth $280,000. ALL the clothes in my wardrobe are probably worth less than Cindy McCain's watch. Many people in this country earn $25,000 annually and that's just what Cindy spends on a pearl necklace.

In case you're wondering, Michelle Obama goes on National TV in a $148.00 dress.

Who's the Elitist?

Cindy McCain's $300,000 Outfit

by Vanity Fair September 4, 2008, 10:29 AM

One of the persistent memes in the Republican line of attack against Barack Obama is the notion that he is an elitist, whereas the G.O.P. represent real working Americans like Levi “F-in’ Redneck” Johnston.

It caught our attention, then, when First Lady Laura Bush and would-be First Lady Cindy McCain took the stage Tuesday night wearing some rather fancy designer clothes. So we asked our fashion department to price out their outfits.

Laura Bush

Oscar de la Renta suit: $2,500

Stuart Weitzman heels: $325

Pearl stud earrings: $600–$1,500

Total: Between $3,425 and $4,325

Cindy McCain

Oscar de la Renta dress: $3,000

Chanel J12 White Ceramic Watch: $4,500

Three-carat diamond earrings: $280,000

Four-strand pearl necklace: $11,000–$25,000

Shoes, designer unknown: $600

Total: Between $299,100 and $313,100

Wow! No wonder McCain has so many houses: his wife has the price of a Scottsdale split-level hanging from her ears.

(All prices except Laura’s shoes and Cindy’s watch are estimates, and the jewelry prices are based on the assumption that the pieces are real.)

You Can Call Me Reverand Little Merry Sunshine

You'll recall that last fall I attended a meeting with the Cook County Assessor's Office regarding the reassessment of my home (and all the others in my township). My assessment had increased 45% in 12 months and also included many inaccuracies about my home (1 1/2 car garage, 2 1/2 baths, etc.), but despite numerous appeals in past years, I could never get the County to change my assessments and inaccurate description of my home.

So I hired an attorney to do the job for me this year. And just moments ago, I learned that I had success. I'm gonna save $400 this year and $1200 over the next three years! Yeah! Of course, the attorney cost me $270 PLUS all the paperwork.

But evidently I didn't have to work that hard. In fact, it seems that if I'd simply spent 30 seconds to complete a form online I'd become an ordained minister and could then slap a cross on the front of my house - all for FREE mind you - and I could completely eliminate my property taxes!

Man's home is castle—and church
State gives Lake Bluff estate a religious break worth $80,000 in property tax, but village says not so fast to pastor-owner

By Susan Kuczka Chicago Tribune reporter
11:06 PM CDT, July 16, 2008

A Lake Bluff resident said he converted this $3 million estate into the Armenian Church of Lake Bluff so his ailing wife and daughter can worship. (Tribune photo by David Trotman-Wilkins)

When George Michael placed a cross on the side of his lakefront mansion, neighbors assumed the decoration was simply a display of the man's religious faith.What his neighbors didn't know is that Michael had decided to convert his $3 million residence into the Armenian Church of Lake Bluff, qualifying him for a nearly $80,000 break on his annual property tax bill.

Now, locals are questioning whether the property is a church at all. Village officials wonder how they'll be able to make up the lost revenue, and residents worry that their share of the tax burden will grow as a result.

Meanwhile, Lake Bluff officials notified Michael that if he is running a church, he'll need to pay more than $115,000 in fines for failing to get the village's permission, setting up a possible court battle.

"It's a honkin' house," said Shields Township Assessor Teresia Yakes, who recently appraised the Michael mansion.With "No Trespassing" and "Private Property" signs everywhere, the Shore Acres subdivision looks like an unlikely place to open a church.

Michael told state officials last month that he began his North Shore congregation more than a year ago after he got a pastor's degree from an online religious site.

While only a handful of close friends and family attend the church, Michael opened his house of worship to spare his disabled wife the hardship of having to travel to practice her religion, attorney Mark Belognia said.

"He's a devoutly religious man, as is his family, and this is the best and only way for them on a weekly basis to practice their faith," Belognia said.

Neighbors said they have never seen evidence of Sunday services held at the home. Village officials said Michael didn't approach them about special permits he would need to open a new church.

'I do find it a stretch'

And in February, the Lake County Board of Review rejected Michael's claim that he had converted his home into a church, ruling the property's use appeared more consistent with a residence than a church, said board Supervisor Martin Paulson.

"I do find it a stretch," Paulson said of the state's June 12 decision to grant Michael a property tax exemption.

Michael, owner of a Chicago real estate firm and a bank official, won the state exemption after he presented the Illinois Department of Revenue with a copy of his clergy license from the Church of Spiritual Humanism, photos of a church altar, the church's affidavit of organization from January 2007, church bylaws and copies of weekly church bulletins dating to December.

He also provided copies of a quitclaim deed from March 2007 that transferred ownership of the couple's 22,000-square-foot home—formerly listed in the name of his wife, Susan—to the Armenian Church of Lake Bluff, and an October 2007 church bank statement from Citizens Bank & Trust in Chicago. Michael is vice chairman of the bank, Belognia said.

Michael also provided a list of 10 members and officers of his parish council, including at least one who is an independent contractor with Michael's real estate firm, Michael Realty & Associates in Chicago, according to his attorney.

The information Michael supplied convinced state officials that the residence in the 1900 block of Shore Acres Drive was a church.

"We didn't go up on a Sunday morning and see if there were services, but we did require them to sign an affidavit and send us church bulletins about services," said Revenue Department spokesman Mike Klemens. "We did enough checking . . . to convince us that yes, even though the village doesn't want to grant the exemption, and the Board of Review didn't, it is a church, it's being used as a church, so we granted it."

Michael's attorney said his client jumped through the bureaucratic hoops so that his wife and daughter—both of whom are physically disabled—could avoid travel to attend Armenian church services elsewhere. Previously, the Michaels had regularly attended services at St. Gregory the Illuminator Church in Chicago, his attorney said.

"He believes he has a constitutional right to practice his faith, that he violated no zoning codes and that he properly received a property tax exemption for his church," Belognia said.

Michael purchased the home on a bluff overlooking Lake Michigan in 2004 for about $3 million. He built an addition that contains a playroom for his children and installed an electric lift so his wife could get down the bluff to the beach below his home. He was billed $79,758 for 2006 property taxes.

The Michaels live in the house but have set off a portion for the church, the attorney said.

Although Lake Bluff officials plan to appeal the state's decision, village manager Drew Irvin said officials on June 24 sent Michael a $115,000 bill for violating zoning ordinances, based on the very affidavits Michael provided to the state. Local ordinances do not allow for operation of a church in an area of town zoned as "country estate residence" without a special permit, Irvin said. Village code allows a fine of up to $500 per day, per violation. According to Michael's application, he had been operating a church for 460 days, but village officials levied a fine for half that much, Irvin said."The village is simply following up on zoning violations," he said.

$10.3 million in dispute

The zoning dispute is not the only financial matter Michael faces.

Last month, a Milwaukee bank—M&I Marshall & Ilsley Bank—filed a foreclosure lawsuit against Michael and his brother, Robert C. Michael, in Cook County Circuit Court, seeking $10.3 million in unpaid mortgage payments and loans on commercial buildings, storefronts and residential buildings in Chicago and nearby suburbs.

Michael declined an interview, but Belognia said he hoped to amicably resolve the zoning issues. He notified the village July 3 that Michael would suspend services.

The Diocese of the Armenian Church of America in New York, meanwhile, has no record that the Armenian Church of Lake Bluff exists—or that it has been consecrated as a house of worship.

Michael remains registered as a parishioner at St. Gregory, according to Rachel Goshgarian, director of the diocese's Zohrab Information Center.

UPDATE 7/19/2008: John Kass of the Chicago Tribune ran a column yesterday about what an upstanding guy Mr. Michael is (not).

Happy 1st Blog-iversary!

I can't believe it's been a whole year since I started writing Little Merry Sunshine!

Tim first put the crazy thought into my head that I should start a blog. And I laughed. But he was kind of persistent. And I laughed some more. But I chewed on it. For about 3 months or so. I have so many friends who write for a living and I couldn't imagine that anything I had to say would be nearly as pretty as their prose or that I'd have any readers, much less loyal readers. Of course, one of the many things I've learned this year is that if Tim suggests it, I should just do it without hesitation.

When I first began Little Merry Sunshine, it wasn't even open to the public. It was only open to Tim, Tony and Brad. And I emailed them and asked for their feedback. That's right, I asked a New York Times Best Selling Author to review my little blog before I published it to the world. I obviously have no ego problems. I'd forgotten that Tim and Tony were in Italy and incommunicado for 2 weeks, but within a couple of days, Brad wrote me back and said "It's you. It's your voice. And it's great." And so Little Merry Sunshine made its world debut.

You know that memorable quote from "Field Of Dreams" of "If you build it, they will come"? Well, that's exactly how's it's been this year. I built it and you showed up. And I'm humbled.

What started out as my way of sharing what I believe in, what inspires me, my gratitude list (here too), adventures in gardening, journeys down memory lane and amusing family stories (they're amusing to me and that's all that counts!) has turned into so much more. We all now know what scares me, what irritates me, what I asked Santa for (and Santa, I'm STILL waiting!), whom I endorse politically, my favorite things (never to be confused with Oprah's), my lust for Rick Springfield, and all of my shameless plugs for my favorite friends and family. I've even made some new friends thanks to blogging! And, of course, Betsey and Ross. Little Merry Sunshine (and I) wouldn't be complete without them.

What's in store for year number 2? While I can't know for sure exactly where life will take me and my blog, I do know a few things. For certain, the political commentaries will continue. It's a long way til November. The Cubs rock this year, so I'm sure to continue singing their praises. Look for more shameless plugs about my super cool friends too. Betsey and Ross are turning 12 this week. Other than that, the universe is my playground and I can't wait to continue sharing my take on it.

What I know for sure, however, is that without you reading and commenting, this wouldn't be so much fun for me. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts with me. I look forward to our continued dialogue in the new year!

Fundraising 101

I'm not going to pretend I am an expert in fundraising, although I have done some of it professionally for a political campaign and have also done some fundraising using my own business, but I do know that there are certain things you never do when trying to raise funds for your charity or political candidate. Probably the most important thing you should never do when asking someone to part with their money is to get into a pissing contest with them. For certain, you should never get into a pissing contest with me.

Here is an almost verbatim transcript of a fundraising call I received this evening:

Me: Hello?
Caller (with "private" showing up on the caller ID): Hello, Mrs. Gardner?
Me: Um, no. May I take a message.
Caller: Yes, please tell Mrs. Gardner that Robert Smith called.
Me: Okay, Mr. Smith, can I tell her what company you're with?
RS: Insight, we're a telecommunications company.
Me (thinking this call is about to end): Thank you Mr. Smith. We're on the Do Not Call Registry. Are you aware of that?
RS: I'm not trying to sell you anything. I'm calling to raise money for the Sick Kids Leukemia Fund.
Me (again, thinking this call is about to end): While I'm sure that's a worthy cause Mr. Smith, we only give money to St. Jude's Children's Research Center.
RS: Well, that's selfish! You're only giving to 1 hospital. Do you know how many kids have Leukemia? By giving to us, you're helping ALL the children. Not just the lucky ones who go to St. Jude.
Me: Mr. Smith, I appreciate your concern for the kids, but St. Jude is my choice because my cousin is the child in the silhouette logo for St. Jude's. So that's where my money goes. Thank you for calling.
RS: I don't think so. MY nephew was the ORIGINAL poster child for St. Jude's in the 70s and 80s. Where is your cousin now?
Me: Dead. And I don't think that trying to get into a pissing match with me is any way to get me to donate to your cause.
RS: I'm not trying to get into a pissing match with you. But your cousin is NOT that child in the St. Jude's logo.
Me: Mr. Smith, I was trying to be nice to you. But I never give money to anyone who just calls me out of the blue and asks for it. For all I know, you're a fraud. Take me off your GD calling list.
Click.

So what did Mr. Smith do wrong?

1. He lied to me by saying he was with a "telecommunications" company rather than telling me upfront he was
2. He insulted me by calling me "selfish" for giving money to one of the most respected children's research hospitals in the world, rather than to his unknown charity.
3. Finally, he got into a pissing contest with me over who had the most sympathetic personal relationship to St. Jude's.

What Were They Hunting With That AK-47?

I simply don't understand this. As I've written about before, it's absurd that these semi-automatic rifles, used in war to kill people, are legal. What animal is so difficult to hunt that only an AK-47 will do?

I have to admit, when I first saw the headline below, I thought "How sad. Didn't Dick Cheney learn the first time?" But then, I realized it was a serious article and of course, gun violence is a serious issue.

Certainly I'm not trying to trivialize this tragedy. It is a tragedy. A horrible, horrible tragedy. The family is devestated forever. And, of course, a child's life was cut far too short.

Let me quote a very wise woman (me):

"It's NOT a violation of federal law to carry assault weapons. WTF????? Why not? Why does anyone need to carry assault weapons like AK-47s or M4s? These are not guns to hunt deer or squirrel or pheasant or whatever else hunters hunt. These are the weapons used in Iraq to kill people. The sole purpose of assault weapons is to hunt people. Why does anyone need these kinds of guns? . . . Can someone explain to me one legitimate reason why anyone needs to own AK47s or M4 assault weapons? And why the hell it's not illegal to own them?"

Teen Shot, Killed In Hunting Accident
Grandfather Says His Gun Accidentally Discharged
POSTED: 3:36 pm CDT June 12, 2008
UPDATED: 5:47 pm CDT June 12, 2008

LAVACA COUNTY, Texas -- A 14-year-old boy was accidentally shot and killed in a hunting accident by his grandfather, investigators said.

According to the Lavaca County Sheriff's Office, Taylor Michalec's grandfather said he was walking behind the teen when the trigger on his AK-47 assault rifle snagged a branch and discharged, striking the teen in the back. (emphasis mine)

The shooting happened Wednesday afternoon near County Road 290, about five miles west of Moulton, Texas, about 100 miles east of San Antonio.

Both his father and grandfather tried to administer CPR, but when EMS responders arrived, the teen was pronounced dead. Michalec had just completed his freshman year at Steele High School, where he was a member of the football team.

Lavaca County investigators said they will not file any charges on the boy's grandfather because the shooting appeared to be an accident.

This ASTOUNDS Me . . . How Could Mike Huckabee Say This?

As much as I'd like to believe we live in a completely colorblind society, where the color of one's skin or their gender truly does not matter, the fact is there are racists in this country. Some of them would like nothing more than for Barack Obama to not be running for President. And some would like that by any means necessary.

Given this fact, how is it possible for former Republican presidential candidate and former Southern Baptist minister Mike Huckabee to make a "joke" at the NRA about someone pointing a gun at Barack Obama? In what part of the universe is this funny? And, yes, it's not funny because Barack is African-American. In fact, I think it's racist.

Some pundits want to give Huckabee the benefit of the doubt and have said that he is known to be a funny guy who ad libs and jokes around a lot. Huckabee, himself, has issued an apology, stating last night "[d]uring my speech at the N.R.A., a loud noise backstage, that sounded like a chair falling, distracted the crowd and interrupted my speech. I made an off hand remark that was in no way intended to offend or disparage Sen. Obama. I apologize that my comments were offensive. That was never my intention."

The thing is, I don't buy it. I want to understand that it was made in the "heat of the moment" and that it was just an "oops," but I believe that making racist (or sexist) jokes isn't just something that happens as an "oops" in public unless you do it in private.

In case you haven't seen it, here's Huckabee's "joke" that he made in front of the NRA yesterday.

We Must All Sacrifice During War

During World War 2, there was food and gas rationing and women planted victory gardens. Heck, even the thing "most dear to a woman's heart" was rationed . . . nylons.

60 plus years later, we find ourselves in another war. The War on Terror. And we must sacrifice again. How are we sacrificing? We have $4+ a gallon gas. The real estate bubble burst in a most devastating way. Jobs are being lost. Food prices are through the roof. The economy is feeling very unstable. Let's face it, we're all feeling pinched and are making changes to the way we live.

But who is making the biggest sacrifice of all? President George W. Bush, of course.

President Bush has given up golf.

That's our president always leading by example.

To show my solidarity with our esteemed leader, I'm going to give up polo.

UPDATE 5/17/08: Oops. It turns out that President Bush made an oops. It seems he DID NOT actually give up golf in solidarity with the troops. If a guy can't tell the truth about whether he did or did not give up golf, it makes ya wonder what else he might be fibbing on. Hmmmmm . . . . I wonder . . .

I'm Just Curious . . .

In light of the DC Madam's death yesterday (there is actually a LOT of speculation whether it was a suicide or just made to look like one), I'm curious about something . . .

What is the difference between a woman who marries a man for his money (aka gold digger) and a woman who gets paid for each time she has sex with a man (aka prostitute)?

There are millions of women who marry men far wealthier then they are and they are not ostracized to the dark alleys of society. But aren't they just trading one commodity for another?

Why is one legal and almost respected, while the other is nasty and disgusting and vile and illegal in the eyes of society?

I would argue that the prostitute is more honest and more honorable than the gold digger. The prostitute willingly acknowledges the transaction: sex in exchange for money. The gold digger, on the other hand, often pretends to be in love with her man and won't acknowledge she's also trading services for a certain lifestyle.

Carrying Assault Rifles IS NOT Against Federal Law???

You may have heard that Chicago has had a rash of deadly shootings the past few weekends. Shootings are up. Deaths are up. Last night, there was a hostage standoff at an autobody shop that resulted in the police having the kill the hostage taker because he started shooting at them.

It's disgusting. The reasons for this massive increase in gunfire vary. Some claim it's due to the warm weather (see if you can follow this) because the winter was so very long and people were cooped up in their homes. Now it's warm (although my heat is on as I write this because it's 40 degrees outside) and people are outside, so naturally, shootings increase. I don't understand that reason at all. I think it's an excuse, not a reason. Others say (and I believe) this increase in gun violence has more to do with the economy. People can't afford the basics. They are having problems putting food on their tables. They're feeling desperate and frustrated (and to quote Barack Obama) and bitter.

This weekend, in response to this increase in gun violence, Mayor Daley and Police Chief Jody Weis have proposed that Chicago cops be equipped with semiautomatic assault rifles because they're "outgunned" by the gangs and criminals. That's right. If the Mayor and Police Chief get their way (and I'm not arguing for or against this, although I think it's quite the statement), all 13,000 of Chicago's Finest will be running around with M4 carbines, which can shoot up to 1000 rounds per minute.

In explaining his support for this plan, Mayor Daley says, "We're finding out that the weapons of criminals are getting bigger and bigger, AK-47s, all types of different weapons, because they can carry assault weapons, it's not a violation of federal law, and that is a concern for all of us." (emphasis mine)

It's NOT a violation of federal law to carry assault weapons. WTF????? Why not? Why does anyone need to carry assault weapons like AK-47s or M4s? These are not guns to hunt deer or squirrel or pheasant or whatever else hunters hunt. These are the weapons used in Iraq to kill people. The sole purpose of assault weapons is to hunt people. Why does anyone need these kinds of guns?

I'm not trying to start a pro- or anti-gun debate here. I understand that there are legitimate reasons why people keep guns. I understand that people hunt for food. Some of my relatives in Mississippi hunt deer and duck and I'm sure other things too. I get that. I understand it's something passed down from generation to generation. I'm not judging it or saying it's bad.

But there's a difference between owning guns for hunting deer and owning assault rifles for hunting people.

Can someone explain to me one legitimate reason why anyone needs to own AK47s or M4 assault weapons? And why the hell it's not illegal to own them?

What level have we sunk to that we must live in a gun state where cops patrolling the streets carry assault rifles at all times?

Mechanically Shaken . . . Not Stirred

Don't tell James Bond about this new "nostalgic" martini shaker.

According to the description, there's a new debilitating "syndrome" criss-crossing America . . . Martini Shaker Arm Fatigue Syndrome. And there's only one way to prevent it (well, two if you stop drinking Martinis, but why would anyone ever want to do that?????) . . . The Cocktail-Shake-O-Matic.

The best part is the video. You can thank me later.

Another in the Series: Yes, Jessica is Blonde

A few minutes ago, a friend of mine who only has a cell phone calls me and we're having a lovely conversation. Now, mind you, my friend has had a beer or two prior to calling me.

In the midst of the conversation, I ask "Did you get the text message I sent you earlier?"

He responds, "No, I did not. I don't know where my phone is. I think it's out in my car."

In all seriousness, I tell him, "Well, you better go find it. You wouldn't want to lose your phone."

Without missing a beat, he replies, "You're right. Plus, I don't want my phone sitting out in my car in this freezing weather."

Ten minutes later, we have to end our conversation because his phone battery is about to die. And then it hits us both. He's talking on the one and only phone he has and the one and only phone I sent him a text message on.

We laughed at ourselves for another five minutes. His excuse was two beers. Mine is simply that I'm blonde.

I'm Still a Girl Afterall

So I'm having a super crazy week. Work is hopping. Personal life is hopping. I have way too many plates in the air this week. I'm usually pretty good with juggling them all, but somehow one fell out of the air today.

I came home for lunch this afternoon (something I do daily - yay for working from home!) and put my car in the garage as I always do. But when I went back out a few minutes ago, I discovered my car battery was dead. I left the lights on. That's the plate that fell.

Now I kind of know how to jump my car, so I looked for my battery charger figuring it had instructions on the box. It turned out, however, that Dave took it to Michigan with him. So I called AAA. This is what I have them for, afterall. I politely explained to the AAA rep that I have a curved driveway and my car was parked inside my single-car garage, so it would probably be best if the tow truck had a portable battery charger, rather than try to manuver in my driveway. No problem he said.

An hour later the tow truck arrived and as he pulled into my driveway, the driver just shook his head at me, as if to say "there's no way I can get to your car." He gets out of his truck, walks over to me and says "I CAN'T get to your car! I CAN'T do it!!" Calmly, I explained that I informed AAA about my driveway and specifically requested a tow truck with a portable battery charger. He shouted at me again saying he did not have a portable battery charger and had never had this situation before (really?), as he waived his hands and shook his head.

At that point, I asked him not to yell at me because I really wasn't at fault here (aside from leaving my lights on) and this really wasn't what I needed, but he just kept going.

So I pulled out the only thing left in my arsenal: tears. Now, don't get me wrong, this wasn't full on sobbing. This was only slightly more crying than Hillary Clinton did in New Hampshire.

But it worked because before the first tear hit the ground (or froze), Mr. Tow Truck Driver was apologizing all over himself and suggested we push my car out of the garage. That worked and in less than 5 minutes, my car was humming again, just like it normally does.

I actually feel bad about the tears. I don't normally cry on demand, but it's nice to know that I can if necessary. I'm still a girl, afterall.

And Now the REAL Fun Begins!

The polls have just closed here in Illinois and my favorite part of the day is just beginning. Yes, of course, I voted this morning and I very proudly asked for my Democratic ballot. And I reminded everyone I saw, spoke to, or thought about (via ESP) to vote.

But now the REAL fun begins. I'm set to be glued to my TV until all the ballots have been counted tonight. I do this every election, unless I'm attending an election night party for a candidate I've worked for. Yes, I'm a political wonk. And I'm damn proud of it.

Watching the results pour in is my favorite way to spend an evening. I get more excited about this than I did about Santa Claus when I was a kid.

Here's an example of just how big of a geek I am . . . .

In the Spring of 2002, I was dating a nice man, we'll call him Tim (not his real name). Illinois was in the midst of a hotly contested gubernatorial primary in the wake of the George Ryan downfall. The night of the primary, my man had a meeting and wouldn't get home until late (he lived in the city and I was in the Burbs), so I hung out at my house. About 8:00pm, I called and left him the following message: "Hi Tim! It's me! I hope you had a great day and remembered to vote. And I hope your meeting went well tonight. I'm crawling into bed right now to spend the rest of the night doing my favorite thing, but you can feel free to call when you get home - I'm sure I'll still be awake." About an hour later, my phone rang and it was him desperately wanting to know what I was doing. I have to say he was terribly let down to learn that I was watching the election returns. He was actually irritated that I would leave such an allegedly suggestive message on his voice mail. But it honestly never occurred to me that he might think I was doing anything other than watching the election results!

Clearly, he didn't know me very well. I should have known then that he wasn't the right guy for me.

Needless to say, I'm a bit more careful about the messages I leave now.

I'm Blonde . . . In Case You Didn't Know

A couple of weeks ago, my car locks froze and required me to stand outside with my hair dryer in sub-zero temperatures just so I could go grocery shopping. As a result, I have not been locking my car doors at night.

Well, sure enough after that huge snow and freezing rain & sleet storm last week, I went out to my car the next morning and my car doors were frozen shut. All of them. I stood out there with the hair dryer again, but nothing happened. My locks were REALLY frozen. Needless to say, I was unhappy, but luckily for me, Superman Dave has been in town and was planning on coming out to visit me over the weekend. So I put "unfreeze my locks" on his Honey Do list.

Now that you have the background, here's what happened last night when Dave put his super hero skills to the test:

Dave (as he's getting out his tools): Jess, are you SURE they're frozen?

Me (pulling on the car door): Yes, they are FROZEN and won't budge. I held the hair dryer on all 4 doors for almost 30 minutes the other day. They are FROZEN.

Dave: And you're SURE they're not locked?

Me: Nope. Since the locks froze I have not locked the car doors. I'm sure.

Dave (with a crowbar trying to pry open the doors): Man, Jess, I don't know. You're right these doors are stuck. And you're SURE they're not locked?

Me: Nope. I already told you. I didn't lock them.

Dave: Jess, just go get your car keys.

Me: Okay, but I'm telling you, they're not locked.

Me (a few minutes later as the key slid into the lock and unlocked the door, which then easily opened): Dave! Stop laughing at me!!!!!!!

Yep, the doors were locked, not frozen.

After hearing the story last night (and laughing at me for more than 5 minutes), my mom called this morning to remind me to unlock my car doors.

Snow Day! Snow Day! Everyone Loves A Snow Day!

In a rare move yesterday, Arlington Heights School District 25 gave all elementary and middle-school kids an unexpected Snow Day. I say rare because, during the 9 years I attended Arlington Heights School District 25, schools were never closed. The only memorable Snow Days came during the famed Blizzard of ’79 when snow piles reached our roof and we sled directly from the roof to the street. Other than that, no Snow Days.

ABC 7 reported live from Arlington Heights yesterday (and just how cute is my friend Sue Burky's daughter, Emma???) and stated that village officials told school district administrators that they could not guarantee the roads would be clear in time for children to get to school. Parents I spoke with yesterday, however, believe the real reason schools were closed had more to do with the schools not being closed last winter when a storm dumped almost a foot of snow overnight and children being stranded for hours at bus stops.

My only question is with all the kids out of school, why couldn't I find anyone looking to earn some extra money and shovel my driveway?